


Crimes of Passion

by CeliPuff



Category: Supernatural
Genre: Angst with a Happy Ending, Cop Dean Winchester, Criminal Castiel (Supernatural), Drug Addict Castiel (Supernatural), Drug Addiction, Drugs, Eventual Happy Ending, Eventual Romance, Eventual Smut, M/M, Openly Bisexual Dean Winchester, Openly Gay Castiel (Supernatural), Slow Build, Slow Build Castiel/Dean Winchester, Sorry Not Sorry, street artist
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-01-24
Updated: 2020-04-25
Packaged: 2021-02-27 06:01:16
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 16
Words: 32,396
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/22392184
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/CeliPuff/pseuds/CeliPuff
Summary: Cas is a street artist from the wrong side of the tracks. He sees his world pretty clearly through his art... that is until officer Dean Winchester comes along and turns his drug induced world upside down.
Relationships: Castiel/Dean Winchester
Comments: 92
Kudos: 199
Collections: The Destiel Fan Survey Favs Collection





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

  * For [mishamigo999](https://archiveofourown.org/users/mishamigo999/gifts).



> This fic was possible thanks to the help of Mishamigo999, WinchesterLovr0508 and Ketch22

Castiel wasn’t a morning person but it was the best time to tag. The golden hour made the all nighters worth it, for Cas at least, not so much Nick.

The Novak brothers were no strangers to the law but that never stopped them from tagging every surface they could. Luckily, Cas had never been seriously charged. They never actually caught him red handed - so to speak. He’d always been far enough away from the spray can for the charge to ever hold.

Every day he wondered, if today would be the day he was caught, the thrill was exhilarating.

“Pass the black, assbutt.” Cas reached for the can, not turning to see if Nick was complying.

Nick tossed it at his head instead. “Needs more color Cassie but whatever, not like you’ll listen to me.” Nick rolled his eyes.

“You don’t question the mind of an artist, _Nicole._ ” Cas boasted, again not turning to look at Nick. Sometimes Cas would get so lost in a piece, he wouldn’t speak for hours.

It was a cold morning, Nick considered staying inside and getting some sleep but Cas insisted on coming out.

Cas wore some tight black jeans and a blue flannel button up - to match the streaks in his hair - under a thick black trench coat to keep warm. Nick was sure he was wearing some old band t shirt underneath it all to match his Metallica beanie pulled over his messy onyx locks. His black combat boots were worn but they were definitely Cas’ favorite shoes, he’d only occasionally wear some black high top chucks in the summer.

Nick took a hit of their blunt and passed it to Cas, having to shove him slightly to get his attention. Cas had a blue bandana covering his nose and mouth that made his cerulean eyes shine so bright it was almost intimidating. He shoved it down to smoke. “Don’t bump be while I’m up here.” Cas said between hits, still balancing on an old fence for leverage.

Nick shoved him harder, “Fuck you Cas. I waited until you stopped that time but don’t fucking tempt me.” His threat held no merit, Cas’ art was his livelihood and one day would get them off the streets. Nick had to sell weed to make ends meet but sometimes Cas was able to sell their art to the tattoo shop. Their last resort was stealing. Something they both knew how to do well since a _very_ young age.

They lived in the house they grew up in, even though it was still in their late father's name. All their bills were paid but they knew their living situation was temporary.

“Knew we’d find you guys here!” Two of their friends Meg and Balt walked up. Meg reached out for the blunt, Cas handed it to her and went back to work.

Meg and Balt worked at the local tattoo parlor and were always trying to get Cas to join them. A lot of their portfolios were littered with his art and they gave him a cut each time someone chose one of his pieces. Nick was good too, but nowhere near Cas’ skill. Nick just never stayed focused enough to give his art what it needed and Cas was the opposite. Completely lost in _every_ piece he did, no matter the size, he gave it his all.

They hung out for about 10 minutes, just the right amount of time to smoke the small amount of weed they had and then left for work, leaving the brothers alone again. Nick picked up two empty cans Cas had tossed and was looking for somewhere to dump them when the officer spoke. _Fuck_.

**********

Dean was lingering in his unmarked cop car with the heater on, gazing out at the early morning sky. The town was typically quiet, especially now when the thieves and criminals had all gone to bed for the day. Dean wasn't looking for them though, he was looking for the taggers that ran these streets recently. To him, the art was kinda pretty, _not that he would mention that to his fellow police officers._ But the one thing that frustrated him is they could never get their hands on the guys.

Dean paused for a minute, rolling down the window slightly to inhale the fresh smell of spray paint. _Got em!_ He opened and closed his door quietly and stepped around a couple of corners, following the smell of paint and marijuana. Finally spotting them, he snapped a picture with his cell phone and stepped out, hand on his gun. He didn't think they'd be violent but luck favors the prepared. "Police, hands up, guys."

Cas smoothly tossed the can on the other side of the fence, knowing it landed in a heap of trash. He had his backpack hanging off his foot on the opposite side of the fence for just this situation and kicked it off, hoping it would still be there when they got out. Nick on the other hand, had two cans in his hands and nowhere to hide them.

Cas didn’t put his hands up, “If I put my hands up, I will fall. Are you going to shoot me if I jump down?” Cas asked in a deadpan tone, his voice muffled by the bandana.

Dean resisted the urge to roll his eyes. "Get down on your knees. Hands behind your head. Drop the cans." He motioned to Nick, "I've got your photo already."

Cas jumped down, a smile hidden behind the bandana. “Photos? Kinky. I would have posed better if I knew you’d be taking souvenirs.” Cas spoke in an animated tone, this cop was _gorgeous_.

“Shut the fuck up.” Nick whispered, knowing Cas’ mouth would get them in more trouble like it always did.

"Funny." Dean deadpanned, walking over and forcing Cas down to his knees.

Cas pushed aside the irritation of being forced to his knees, “I know the drill, we both know I could be doing something better down here handsome.” Wouldn’t have been the first time Cas got out of trouble, _if this pretty cop would take the bait_. Most cops were fine with a handjob but he wouldn’t mind giving this one a blowjob.

Dean frowned, pulling Cas’ hands behind his back. He couldn’t help but wonder if that was the reason they never caught this tagger, _no way an officer would let someone go for sexual favors…_

Dean cuffed both of them before pulling Cas’ beanie off and tugging the bandana off his face, Dean’s breath caught in his throat. He'd never been attracted to the whole _punk rock/skater_ type, let alone a _criminal_ before but that was something he’d have to think about later. It definitely didn’t help when Cas flashed him a smile and don’t get Dean started on those blue eyes. How this guy managed to rock both an eyebrow _and_ snake bite lip piercing was beyond him.

Shaking those thoughts from his mind, Dean stood them up to search them, Cas’ stash was in the backpack so as long as that wasn’t found he was fine. “Come on. I’m taking you both in." He grabbed their arms and hoisted them towards the car, tossing them in the back.

“Oh, come on!” Cas is exclaimed, much less animated this time. _No way a photo with my identity hidden would hold in court, right? Unfortunate for Nick though._

He radioed in that he was bringing in two taggers before turning on the engine. “Any chance you guys want to tell me your names?” Dean asked knowing the answer.

Cas was quick to turn back on his charm, “A name to go with my photo huh?” Nick shoved his shoulder. “I’m Beyoncé, this is my partner Zee.” Dean huffed a laugh but didn’t respond.

“You had to go out today huh? Fuck Cas, if we weren’t handcuffed right now I’d punch that smirk off your fucking face!” Nick whispered angrily.

Cas rolled his eyes and decided to fuck with Dean more. “Normally pigs disgust me but you are _delicious_. I suddenly really want some bacon.” Cas leaned forward towards Dean after Nick kicked his leg. “Where have you been hiding handsome?”

Dean calmly turned the car towards the station, giving a casual shrug. "Maybe behind the pile of donuts in the break room, I dunno."

Cas laughed, “Typical.” Cas sat back, still watching Dean in the mirror. “Aren’t there real crimes to solve?“ Cas tilted his head as a challenge when Dean looked in the mirror, Cas was still smirking and licked his lips as their eyes locked.

Dean's eyes slid back to the road, his brow furrowed slightly. _Was this guy actually flirting with him?_ "What makes you think you're not a real criminal?”

“I was just sitting on a fence _Sir._ ” Cas said sarcastically. “I really love art, I just needed a closer look. You got the wrong guys back here _Winchester_.” Cas had checked out Dean’s name tag before he was shoved in the back.

"Mhm. I'm sure." Dean agreed, stretching his arms as they stopped at a stop light. "Look, dude, I'd stop talking before you get either of you in bigger trouble. You're wearing fingerless gloves, you have spray paint of the same color and kind on your shoes and under your nails. You're screwed. Luckily, you probably won't get more than community service and have to pay a fine, if this is your first offence, but if you do it again, that’s jail time.”

Cas laughed out loud, “Were you checking me out?” Completely ignoring what Dean said about jail time. _Nothing a quick BJ couldn’t solve right?_ “Can’t we come to some form of… agreement?”

Nick kicked his foot again. “Shut the fuck up.” Cas rolled his eyes but listened this time, watching Dean intently. This guy wasn’t going to cave and biting his tongue has never been easy for Cas.

Dean rolled up to the station and led them inside, before they parted he gave Cas some advice, “I know you're _not_ gonna stop and trust me, I’ll just bring you in again. But let me give you some advice, keep your mouth shut. The older guys aren't as nice as me and the women are even worse. Have a nice day in court." Dean turned to walk away with a sigh.

“See you soon beautiful.” Cas called and whistled at Dean’s ass as he walked away. “Can’t say I _don’t_ like watching him walk away.” He turned to face Nick. “Okay, maybe I would fuck a cop.” Nick was beyond pissed and not in the mood for his bullshit so he had nothing to say. But if looks could kill...

Dean’s mind was reeling, this guy had gotten under his skin with all the sexual favor bullshit and he really worried about what was going on with his fellow officers so he sent Sam a quick text to see if he was available. Dean had questions.

Once they were processed and fingerprinted they were put in a holding cell. "You're going to get us fucking killed one of these days with your goddamned mouth. Sit the fuck down." Nick yanked him down and lectured him until they were approached by an Officer Smith.

"Do you guys want to call a lawyer or do you need one appointed to you?" The officer asked, crossing his arms.

“We don’t have one.” Nick said. Cas had promised to keep his mouth shut and was _literally_ biting his cheek to keep from talking.

The cop nodded, "We'll call one in. You men want to tell me why you were in that alley?"

“We were just admiring the art, it was still wet when we walked past it. My brother here saw the empty cans and was looking for the trash. The pretty cop has it all wrong.” Cas spoke up.

"And the can of blue spray paint with your finger prints on it? Or the picture of you _actually_ painting? Let’s not forget Officer Winchester’s eye testimony. Sure you don't want to change that to a guilty plea? It’s community service vs jail time, boys.”

“I’m sorry, what can of blue paint?” Cas tilted his head, knowing he hadn’t touched the can of blue. “And I’d like to see the photo of me painting.” Cas argued. He hadn’t been painting when the cop walked up so unless he had hid out for a while, they didn’t have a photo of him in the act.

“Just shut up and wait for the public defender.” Nick whispered and Cas rolled his eyes. “We’ll talk to the lawyer.” Nick said to end the matter.

"Alright, suit yourselves." The officer wandered out and a half hour later they were ushered into a plain room with only a table and three chairs. Both brothers sat on one side and within moments a tall man with long but neat brown hair came in holding their case files and a briefcase.

"I'm Sam Winchester, I'll be helping represent you." He held out a hand to shake, and Nick looked at him suspiciously. _That name sounds familiar._

Cas already knew, a smile forming. “Winchester huh?” It clicked in Nick’s mind when Cas said the name. “You wouldn’t happen to know a very pretty officer that shares that name would you?” Cas shook his hand, staring up at him.

Sam laughed at that. "Not sure I could judge on _pretty_ , but the officer is my brother, yes. I assure you it has no bearing on this case."

Cas was still smiling. “I don’t know, I think it has some bearing. Maybe you should call him back here so he could tell you there is no case.”

"I'm pretty sure he'd say the opposite. To be honest." Sam replied.

Nick piped up, "I'm pleading guilty. How much community service time do you think?"

"Maybe 40 hours for a first offence, there is also a $1,000 fine for each of you." Sam replied.

Nick nodded, "I'm guilty. He can argue for himself if he wants." He pointed at Cas.

Cas rolled his eyes. “Pussy.” He turned to Sam. “Look, I was never holding a can of blue paint so I'm 100% positive _my_ prints aren’t on one, not that they would have results on some fingerprints this soon anyway.”

"Okay," Sam leaned back, "and the paint under your fingernails?" He ran a finger down his case file.

“I’m a handsy person. I already told them the paint was wet when I walked up. I touched it. If you go back to the scene, you should see a smudge mark from where I touched it. As far as my shoes go, that’s old.” Cas spoke confidently even though he knew he was fucked. He cursed himself for not running when he had the chance.

"The paint on your shoes and hands, the photo, let’s not forget the paint splatter _on_ the bandana that was on your face." Sam ruffled through the papers, "Castiel, right? Well, Castiel, if I were you, I'd follow Nicolas and plead guilty, purely speaking as your lawyer. The evidence is overwhelming and I will defend you to the utmost of my ability if you decide to fight it, but I feel we would lose.”

“Great.” Cas rolled his eyes, his cool demeanor wavering as he ran a hand through his hair. “How much jail time?”

“Six months to a year.” Sam spoke matter of factly.

“Fuck it, whatever.” Cas turned to look away, picturing that infuriating pretty cop. Fucking asshole took a fucking picture. He equally wanted to beat the shit out of him _and_ fuck him.

"Sorry, but does that mean you are also pleading guilty?" Sam clarified, pulling out papers to write confessions.

Cas’ leg shook irritably as he stared down at the paperwork. “Fuck!” He stood up, shoving the chair away.

“Cas.” Nick approached him, holding a hand to Sam to give him a moment. He was the only one that could reason with Cas once he was angry.

Sam waited and watched, knowing when he needed to be quiet. This wasn’t his first client to have a temper.

“Listen Cas, do you want to go to jail? No. _This_ is the best option. I know how you feel about community service but sometimes we have to suck it up and do shit we don’t want to do. This isn’t _Castiel’s world_ , remember?” Cas laughed bitterly at that last comment.

“Hell it isn’t.” Some of his anger wavered, that was something his mom used to say when he threw a fit. He was a bratty kid… not that he grew out of it.

Cas turned to Sam taking a moment before speaking, “Fine. Guilty. Good job _lawyer_.”

Nick slapped his cheek affectionately. “Shut your mouth, Cassie.”

Nick was the calm one out of the brothers. His temper has gotten him into trouble in his early life and now that he was older it took a lot to get him there. Now it was his job to help his little brother pull it together.

Sam nodded and spent the next half hour having them sign papers and scribble out confessions, "We can just squeeze you in with a judge before today ends. I’ll be back when they are ready.” Sam walked out.

Cas drew an obscene picture of Dean while they waited for Sam to return. He was wearing only a police hat and was handcuffed with his arms above his head. His body was beautifully sculpted but his penis was microscopic. When Sam returned, Cas slid him the paper, “This is for your brother.”

Sam, despite himself, looked highly amused. "I'll make sure he gets the message." He took the paperwork and the men were led back to see the judge.

Cas smiled. He could tell Sam would give it to his brother by the way he fought the urge to laugh.


	2. Chapter 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> We learn a little about Cas’ addiction.

Community service blows. Not only does it do _nothing_ for the community, but it’s normally something stupid. They were either about to be painting over the taggings _they_ previously did or cleaning up abandoned buildings. Cas hated it. _Why can’t we feed the poor or build homes for the homeless?_

By the time they were released Cas was restless and fidgeting nonstop. “Cassie, get it together.” Nick whispered as they exited the police station. “You’re acting like you need a fucking fix. How many are you taking a day?” He pulled Cas’ arm.

Cas flinched away. “Don’t worry about it, I’m not a fucking fiend okay?” Cas saw Dean in the parking lot and walked over with a grin.

As soon as Nick followed Castiel’s gaze he ran up behind him, “What are you doing? Let’s go!” He stopped a few feet behind, watching Cas’ every move.

Dean noticed Cas walking over and straightened up, “Hey it’s Beyoncé, have a nice stay?”

“You remembered my name? That’s sweet.” Cas tilted his head. “Did you get your gift?”

Dean saw the grin on Cas’ face and knew exactly what _gift_ he meant. "Of course. Sam found it very amusing." Dean leaned a shoulder against his car.

“Was it accurate?” Cas teased with a gummy smile, staring into Dean’s eyes.

Dean laughed, "Guess you'll never know." He winked and headed inside, he couldn’t help but notice how jittery Cas was and felt disappointment at the thought of Cas being on drugs.

Cas watched his ass he walked away, wishing he wasn’t a cop. It took a slap upside the head to snap him out of it. “What are you playing at Cas? That’s a _cop_ , stop fucking flirting!”

“I can’t help it. My life goal is to fuck that pretty cop in the back of his cop car and I _always_ get what I want.” Cas stated matter of factly and all Nick could do was roll his eyes.

When they arrived at the spot they were arrested at, Cas hopped the fence as fast as he could, relieved his backpack was still there. Nick knew what Cas was doing and stayed on the other side, not wanting to watch.

Cas had been on Adderall since he was eleven. His dad always called him the _fidgety_ one and hated how he could never sit still. He didn’t care about the side effects, just as long as it could keep Cas still. Chuck was embarrassed by Cas and blamed his mom for dropping him as a baby. Cas knew it had nothing to do with that, he just had trouble concentrating.

The problem was, Cas believed he was an artist _because_ of the Adderall. He drew his entire life and _still_ didn’t think he could ever draw or paint good if he wasn’t high. Since he turned eleven, he's taken it every single day and every day, he drew better than the day before. He could sit in his room for hours upon hours drawing anything and everything.

When Cas hopped back on the other side of the fence, he was much calmer. Nick hated seeing him sniffle, “Cas take them regular, why do you have to snort them?”

“I don’t normally, I just felt restless and wanted to feel it quicker. It isn’t a big deal Nick, not like it’s actual coke.” Cas brushed it off as always. “Let’s go home, you reek.” He joked, shoving Nick playfully.

Except it _was_ a big deal. The thought of his little brother becoming more and more dependent on these pills scared him, especially when it wasn’t all Cas was taking.

**********

The brothers made their way towards _another_ abandoned building to clean. “What’s the fucking point Nick? We’re basically throwing away all of these homeless people’s shit, they already don’t have anything. How is this a service for the community?”

“Get off your soapbox Cassie, they have shelters and shit, right? Besides, people complain so the police gotta do something I guess, or _we_ gotta do something while some chubby officer sits around watching us.” Nick shrugged, “Beats jail Cas.”

Cas left his backpack at home, no point in bringing it here. He already took an Adderall and wouldn’t need another one for a few hours and also brought an Oxy in case he got bored.

When they walked up, their usual officer wasn’t there and Cas couldn’t help but smile as Nick cursed under his breath.

Dean spoke up to the group, "Be careful of needles, please. I'll be in charge today, I'm Officer Winchester. Officer Jones is off today.”

“Hello _Officer_ , fancy meeting you here.” Cas approached Dean casually. “Here for more pictures?” Nick grabbed his arm worried his temper would come out but Cas was just admiring the man.

Dean grinned, "Oh, hey you two, I see you're following directions. Awesome. Let's get going." Dean himself also picked up supplies and began to clean. Cas watched him curiously, he’s never seen an officer join in the work. Officer Jones would bring out this comfortable looking lounge chair and watch Netflix on his cell.

Nick pulled Cas away, against his wishes before he could talk again. He was interested in this Winchester man but Nick was adamant he kept his mouth shut. Any time Cas walked close to Dean, Nick was there to pull him away.

Dean played rock music from a bluetooth speaker that seemed to perk everyone up, he hummed to the music while putting garbage in bags and syringes in a bio waste box.

Cas slipped outside for a break a couple hours later. He sat staring at the building wall, thinking of what he could tag it with and took the opportunity to take the Oxy.

"I don't like those thoughts." Dean said from the entrance to the building. "Your art is very good, if anatomically incorrect but maybe you should stick to paper.”

Cas looked over lazily. “Thoughts?” He tilted his head. “And what exactly am I thinking Officer?” Cas walked closer, entering Dean’s space with a smirk.

"A good wall to tag." Dean wasn't fazed in the least, gazing at him. "This time isn't counting towards your hours you know.”

“Stickler for the rules huh?” Cas continued to stare. “Your beauty is very distracting for me, I can hardly focus on my work.”

Dean rolled his eyes, "Hurry your ass up or I won't mark you down for today.” Dean turned to go back to work, allowing himself to think about Castiel’s blue eyes for only a moment before pushing away the thoughts, _this guy was going to get Dean in trouble_.

Cas followed, watching his ass the whole time. When he caught up he made sure Dean heard him, “Challenge accepted.” Before he went back to work.

Dean just chuckled, not really taking him seriously. A convict with anger and arrogance issues wasn't really on his radar… _he thought_.

Everyone worked hard until lunchtime. Dean treated everyone to sub sandwiches, another thing that intrigued Cas. _How was someone so… good?_ The other cop was an asshole who didn’t care one way or another if anyone else ate.

Cas was feeling his Oxy _hard_ at this point and slipped back outside to pick at his sandwich and stare at the wall. He forced himself to eat half, it was delicious but he didn’t really have an appetite. Cas took the time to stare at the wall again, he really _did_ want to tag this wall.

Dean watched him go but didn't follow this time, joking around with Nick and the others. Dean never treated people differently because they had a record, hell, if he made slightly different choices he would be right here with them.

Nick liked Dean much more than the other cop, even though he was technically the reason they were here. When others were distracted Nick walked up, “Hey, sorry my brother is so abrasive. He was dropped when he was a baby.” Nick joked.

"Its alright. I've met all types. He needs time and some structure." Dean sighed. "He seems like a good guy.”

“He is. Not that he’d let anyone see that. He’s had so many offers for his art and he turned them all down. Doesn’t think he’s worth more apparently.” Nick walked away to go check on his brother. Leaving Dean to his thoughts.

Dean sighed, looking out the door at the two, running a hand through his hair. _Why was he so curious about this dude?_

Nick walked up and ruffled Cas’ hair, as if it wasn’t messy enough. “Aww! Are you sad _Mr. Officer_ isn’t interested?” He teased.

“Fuck you Nick, jealous?” Cas slapped his hand away but was smiling.

“Jealous of what? It’s just a dude to me. For one I’m not interested in dudes and for two, if I was, he likes me more than you anyway.”

Cas rolled his eyes, “Gross why would anyone like you?”

Nick laughed, "Seriously though, what are you doing right now? Are you into him?"

“Right now? I’m looking at this horrible wall thinking it needs some color.” Cas ignored his question purposely and Nick crossed his arms, waiting for a response. “Into him? Is this high school Nick?”

"Maybe they'd want you to paint it? Ask and see." Nick shrugged, "You're acting strange.”

Cas frowned, “Strange?”

Nick rolled his eyes, “The way you act when your high as shit Cas. I’m not stupid.” Nick needed to find out what else Cas was using. “You’re also acting like you want _something._ ” Nick nodded back towards the building.

Cas looked at Nick. “I always want _something_.” Cas shrugged nonchalantly. “And sometimes it’s something I can’t have but _this..._ I can and _will_ have.” Cas smiled, noticing Dean in the doorway watching them. “See.” He waved at Dean making him blush and turn around.

Nick shook his head, "Absolutely not, Castiel. Don't even start. It’s a fucking cop!"

“You’re so boring. Isn’t he beautiful?” Cas teased. “I will bend him over one day and-” Nick huffed and walked back in the building. Cas laughed and finished his lunch. He didn’t hear Dean say get back to work so he approached the wall again and started brushing dirt off. It definitely had potential if it wasn’t so damn dirty.

"You know this is an unowned building." Dean called out as he walked up. "I can file for the city's permission to let you paint it."

Cas turned towards Dean. “Is that so? If it is unowned, why do I need permission? And more importantly, why would you do that for me? What would you want in return?” Cas asked genuinely curious. _No one did anything for free_.

"I loved your art. I _had_ to arrest you because it's against the law, but that doesn’t mean it isn’t beautiful. Even the little _sketch_ you did was clever and the details for such a quick drawing was impressive. Even if you were making fun of me." Dean paused, brushing off the wall. "With permission, or even on canvas, you could be an amazing artist. I don't want anything in return except you to not land back in jail."

Cas eyed him suspiciously. “Are you trying to turn me on right now? Because it’s working.” Humor was always a safe escape from compliments. Cas didn’t know how to respond to those.

Dean smiled a little bit. "Yeah, I get it's hard for you to see yourself. You'll get there." He patted his shoulder and called for everyone to get back to work. Dean couldn’t help but notice Cas looked... _off_ and once again wondered what _other_ trouble this man might be in.

Cas looked at where he patted his shoulder and then watched him walk away. _That was weird_. He was momentarily thrown off his game before he convinced himself that Dean was just down to fuck. _That was really all people wanted right?_

************

When Cas got back to the wall later that night there was a huge envelope with his name scribbled on it duct taped to the wall.

Cas pulled it down and looked at the front and back. _What the fuck?_ He considered putting it back without opening just so _whoever the fuck_ wouldn’t get the satisfaction of his curiosity. But he couldn’t help it. He pictured Dean and opened it tentatively.

There was some paperwork and Dean's scribbled handwriting, _Sam got this written up for you. Congratulations on owning a city wall. I knew you'd come back tonight so I left this here, but if you can wait, I have a power washer. Art looks better clean. See ya round - D Winchester_

Cas smiled, this was tempting. He couldn’t decide if he should go forward with his plan and tag the wall or wait and see what this _D Winchester_ wanted from him. He sat there pondering for about, forty minutes before saying fuck it and going home. A power wash would be amazing.

**********

Dean was with the crew again the next day since the other officer was still sick. He drove his personal car today, a big shiny black Impala with the power washer in the trunk. "Alright, let's clean up some trash!" He tossed grab poles around and joined them, giving Castiel a smile. "Good choice." He told him, looking at the wall before turning to work.

Cas smiled and then chastised himself. _Why did his praise make him smile?_ He really needed to get a grip. He walked over to Dean a while later, “Hello, _Deeee_.” He drug out D playfully.

Dean glanced up and smiled. "Hey _Caaaassss_. What can I help you with?"

“A few things actually. One, Nice car. Two, What is D short for? Three, Do I pay you for the wall in your backseat or in this ratty building? And four, Do we need lube or am I just giving you one of my magic blowjobs?” Cas tilted his head and stared into Dean’s eyes.

Dean snorted at the line of questioning. "Well, thank you, the name is Dean, and I don't want what you're offering. This is all for your _art_." He gazed back a long moment, "Consider it as you owe me one.

Cas narrowed his eyes, taking another step forward. “I don’t like owing people.” His voice was low and his eyes shifted to where his brother was watching them. Nick took a step forward, seeing the tension in his brothers shoulders but relaxed when Cas shook his head.

"Then consider it a gift. I'm not interested in sex, Cas. I am flattered though." Dean stood up straight and called break for lunch. "We powerwashing this thing or what?

Cas followed him, lost in his own thoughts. _Could it really be just about art?_ Those were the only two things he was wanted for, sex and art. Maybe Dean was straight? _No way was this guy straight._ When they reached Dean’s car, he asked, “Are you straight? Because if you are, you’re not.” He grinned at Dean’s facial expression.

Dean rolled his eyes with a small smile, "Nah. I swing both ways. I'm just not interested in no strings attached sex. Been there, done that, doesn't interest me anymore.”

Cas nodded. “That’s a shame.” Dean pulled out the portable washer and a hose, “I don’t know how to use that.” Cas held up his hands.

"I'll take care of it." Dean took a few moments to set up the washer and grinned, "Better stand back." He said, only giving Cas two seconds to move before blasting towards the wall and soaking Castiel’s pants.

Cas looked down at his wet shoes and cussed. Shaking his head at Dean’s laugh, his left pant leg was wet making it look like he pissed himself.

Dean smirked and continued washing while Nick laughed and poked fun at Cas. The wall, once stripped clean of dirt, mud, and old stone, was a decent canvas. Dean set the washer down and grinned, "Perfect. You think?”

Cas looked at the wall, smiling at its potential. “Yup, perfect as it could get. Can I start tomorrow? It needs a day to dry.” He looked down at his went pants, “I do too unfortunately.”

Dean chuckled, "Sure, Cas. Start whenever you like." He wiped off the machine, rung out the hose and stuck it back in his trunk. They had a few minutes more to scarf down some sandwiches before it was time to work. "Alright, guys, time to get going.”

Cas was completely inside his own mind the rest of the day, not saying another word to anyone. All he could think about was the wall. Nick walked over to Dean when they had a few minutes left. “So, that was nice of you. Is there an angle?” Nick asked, even though he felt like Dean was a genuine guy. Too many people think they can use street kids for sex. He didn’t want Cas doing that... _again_.

"Besides the fact I’m gonna take a picture of it and post it everywhere I can? Nah. I just wanna help. Sam calls it my hero complex.” Dean smiled.

“Yes, captain save a hoe _is_ a complex.” Nick joked looking back at Cas. “Do you see how he is like _not here_ anymore? Like his mind is somewhere else? He does that. Now he’s going to obsess over this wall and not talk to anyone until it’s done.” Nick shook his head as Cas dropped the bag he was holding. “He’s a space case.”

Dean smiled, "Maybe it'll keep him out of trouble for a while, then." He looked Nick, "So, you're not the creative genius?"

Nick laughed. “No. I’m only there for him. Believe it or not, this _is_ him keeping out of trouble. He’s been drawing since he was three and ever since then he’s been a perfectionist asshole about his art. I’m not allowed to touch his pieces.”

Dean shook his head, "If he weren't trying to be street, he’d go far. Anyway, I don't like to gossip. Just know I have no plans to fuck or be fucked if that is what you’re trying to ask.”

“Maybe it looks like he’s trying to be street but really, this is all we know, Dean.” Nick walked over to Cas and slapped the bag out of his hand he _just_ finished picking up. “Wake up, Cassie!”

“Fuck you.” Cas walked away, leaving the bag of trash to go hide and stare at the wall. Nick ended up cleaning the garbage for him.

Dean decided to let it slide, since it technically was Nick's fault and he wanted Cas to be excited about this wall, don’t ask him why. Once time to go, Dean climbed in his car, calling out to Cas. "Hey, don't hang around too late. See you on Monday!"

Cas went home to get his scalpel to smooth out some edges. He couldn’t help but look over his shoulder constantly, even though he had his legal paperwork folded in his back pocket and ended up staying there all night, making sure the wall was perfect before he started.


	3. Chapter 3

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Baby steps?

Dean forced himself not to peek at the wall all weekend and on Monday, the original community service officer was back. Dean was off duty but his curiosity finally got the best of him and he drove over to the old building.

When he turned the corner, Dean stopped in his tracks, staring at the painting, as it _stared back_ at him. The wall was covered in beautiful abstract colors and in the center was a giant green eye. Cas even somehow managed to make it look glossy and realistic. Dean snapped pictures from various angles on both his cell and his Nikon camera before sitting down on the ground to marvel at it.

Castiel was fucking _exhausted_. He wouldn’t have made it in today if he didn’t take an extra pill this morning. Normally he took a few days to rest after a big piece and he’s never done anything _this_ detailed. His arms felt like they would fall off but the look on Dean’s face would make it worth it. Except, Dean wasn’t there. He worked _all_ weekend and Dean wasn’t even there to see it. This bothered Castiel much more than he wanted to admit. He grumpily snuck outside after a couple hours to rest by his first legal mural.

"Shouldn't you be working?" Dean's cheerful voice piped up, looking at him as he stood. "You look like shit. But this piece is incredible.”

“Thanks?” Cas asked, with a tilt of his head. “Did you come just to see it?” Licking his lips, Cas smiled for the first time all day. _He came._

"Yeah. I'm off today, but I couldn't wait to see it." Dean leaned back again to look up at it, shaking his head. "Incredible. Stores all over are going to be asking you to paint.” He paused, “Are you okay?” Dean thought Cas looked _off_ again.

Cas frowned. “You think so?” He looked back at the wall. It was by far the best thing he’d ever done. “You know, some of your _buddies_ thought my paperwork was fake.”

"Yeah, well I warned you when I first met you, they're assholes." Dean forced his eyes away from Castiel’s. "Beautiful color choices. Where was the inspiration from?"

Cas huffed a laugh. “Guess you’ll never know.” He _attempted_ to wink, but Cas has never winked very well, and walked back inside to work before he got caught.

Dean shook his head but couldn’t help but smile, he decided to send Cas’ art around to some local business owners he knew and drove off feeling hopeful, maybe he could _actually_ help get Cas off the streets.

His phone rang constantly over the next few days and multiple buildings were interested in Cas’ art. Dean searched for Cas but never found him since they had finished up the abandoned building and moved on to a new project. Cas and Nick would be done with their hours soon so Dean needed to figure out where they were working.

**********

Their next job site was a _joke_ , painting over old taggings and Cas had done more than a few on this wall, the nostalgia made him smile. The brothers were still unaware that Dean was looking for Cas and by the time Dean found their job site, they had completed their community service.

After two more weeks went by with no sign of Castiel, Dean took it upon himself to look up their address. They both used an address of a home belonging to a Chuck Novak, _at least the last names match_. Dean took a chance and drove over as soon as his shift ended.

This definitely wasn’t the good side of town, Dean normally only came this way while patrolling. And as he walked up to the older house, he felt slightly nervous to see Castiel again. He didn’t understand why.

Dean knocked.

No one answered.

Dean knocked again, this time louder. He silently cursed himself for coming over in his uniform. _Maybe that was why they weren’t answering_. Dean waited a few moments before the door finally opened. _Nick_.

“Hello Officer, what can I do for you?” Nick looked around nervously.

“I’m looking for Cas, is he around?” Dean asked curiously.

Nick looked weary, “No, can I take a message?”

Dean sighed, “Look, I sent a photo of his mural around to some local businesses and a few are interested. I just want to pass on the information. do you know where he is?” Nick stared for a few seconds.

“I don’t. He didn’t come home last night.” Dean could tell Nick still had his guard up.

“Is that common?” Dean realized instantly he was asking too many questions but he couldn’t stop himself. He wanted to know more about Cas.

Nick huffed a laugh, “Well he’s a twenty-three year old _kid_ with nothing but time on his hands. What do you think?”

Dean nodded unsure of how to respond to that, “When I saw him a while back he looked… high. Is he on drugs Nick?”

And there it was, Nick’s wall became sound. “Woah, you really think I would rat on my brother?” Dean could see the anger on Nick’s face. “He isn’t a drug addict okay. Can I close the door now?” If Dean wasn’t a cop, Nick would have slammed the door a long time ago.

Running a hand through his hair, Dean sighed. “Okay, okay, I shouldn’t have asked that. I really just want him to know business are interested in him. He can have some legit jobs soon if I could get ahold of him. Here,” Dean handed Nick his card. “Just have him call me.” Dean turned to leave before he put his foot in his mouth _again_.

And of course, Castiel never called.

Any time Dean was off duty, he found himself on the other side of town much more often than before. Sometimes he made any excuse to go when in reality he hoped he’d run into Cas. He even started grocery shopping there, telling himself they had better sandwiches at that market.

To his surprise, he ran into Nick in less than a week. _Wrong Novak but let’s try this again_.

“Hey, Novak.” Dean called as he walked up, ignoring the man’s eye roll.

“Sup, Winchester.” Nick replied. “What are you doing on this side of the tracks?”

Dean shrugged, “I like their sandwiches. Where’s that brother of yours?” Another eye roll.

“You don’t quit huh?” Nick sighed, “Just be honest, what’d he do?”

Dean ran a hand through his hair, “He painted that wall so amazing, people want to pay him. Why would I lie? If he had a warrant, don’t you think he would be in jail right now or some other officers would have come looking? I’m just trying to help the guy, look for yourself.” Dean pulled out his phone. It didn’t take long for him to find what he was looking for and he handed it to Nick, “Swipe right, you’ll see screenshots of emails from _multiple_ businesses interested in _your_ brother’s art.”

Nick took the phone and swiped a few times, staring at Dean skeptically for a moment before pulling out his own cell and calling Cas. “Better not be some bullshit… Sup Cassie, where are you?” Nick laughed and rolled his eyes at something Castiel must have said. Dean would deny it, but the thought of Cas being on the other end of that phone gave him butterflies. He wanted to hear that deep voice again. “You’re disgusting, I didn’t need to know that, I just wanted to know where you were.” Nick’s eyes shifted to Dean, “Alright bye.”

Nick stared at Dean again, “Listen, that’s my baby brother, my _only_ brother. I can’t fuck up that trust. You have a brother, you should understand.”

“I do Nick, and like I said, he isn’t in trouble. If anything, it’s the opposite.” Dean tried to show his sincerity so Nick would trust he was only trying to help.

Nick sighed, “He’s about to take a shower so give him a bit.”

“Does that mean he is at _your house?_ ” Dean asked, Nick nodded hesitantly. “Okay, thanks. You won’t regret this, alright.” Dean patted Nick on the arm. He turned to leave but decided to ask, “Why did you call him disgusting?” Dean asked slightly amused but weary his questions would make Nick close off again.

Instead, Nick laughed out loud. “He said I was disturbing his shower and that he was about to jack off, thinking of _that pretty cop_.” He raised his eyebrows and turned away, “See ya around.”

Dean turned away, hiding the smile that crept upon his lips. _Cas was thinking of him too_.

**********

Once again, Dean had butterflies as he walked up to their door. _Get a grip Dean, he probably won’t even answer._

Dean hesitated a moment before knocking, taking a deep breath before his knuckle touched the wood. To his surprise, Cas opened it within seconds _without a shirt_ , giving Dean full access to his amazing body. Cas had beautiful tattoos covering a lot of his torso, and a natural athletic build. He was wearing some gray sweatpants, and his hair was still wet from the shower.

When Dean’s eyes finally looked up at Cas’ face, he was smiling. _Smug bastard_. “Like what you see?”

Dean frowned, “Uh… can I come in?” _Real freaking smooth_.

Cas’ eyes narrowed for a second before he moved aside, motioning for Dean to come in. “Let me get a shirt, since you’ve made it very clear we won’t be having sex.” Cas turned and walked down the hall and Dean couldn’t help but check out the giant black angel wings tattooed on Cas’ back. It wasn’t that Dean _wasn’t_ attracted to Castiel, if this was any other point in Dean’s life he wouldn’t have hesitated to fuck Cas. He just wanted _more_.

Cas came back a moment later with a perfectly fitted white shirt on, and sat down on the couch, waving for Dean to join him. “So… you have my attention, Dean.”

“Uh, yeah. Why didn’t you call?” Dean couldn’t help but ask. Cas just shrugged so Dean moved on. “Here, look at these emails.” Dean pulled up the screenshots and handed Cas the phone, joining him on the couch.

Castiel took his time, reading everything and not realizing Dean was watching him the entire time. “Okay so how does it work?” Cas asked, helping Dean relax slightly.

“You go meet with them and see what they are interested in getting done then you give them a price.” Dean said matter of factly.

“A price? I’ve never painted for money, what would I even ask for?” Cas was curious enough to consider it, that was a start.

“Dunno, maybe a thousand?” Dean smiled at Cas’ face.

“You think someone would spend a thousand on _my_ art?” Cas asked doubtfully.

“Cas our city is ugly. Art brings beauty to a city and it brings customers to businesses. I think your art is worth more than a thousand but you have to start somewhere.” Dean fought the urge to reach for Cas’ hand.

Cas looked back down at the emails and then back at Dean. “Alright, I’ll meet with them. Do you have to be there or can I just go?”

Dean didn’t try to hide the smile. “Glad to hear it. You can just go or call, whatever works for you, I noticed you don’t have a car.”

Cas shrugged again, “Never needed one, everything is walking distance here.”

“Can I have your number Cas? This would be easier if I didn’t have to hunt you down every time a business emailed back. I can help you get started, and no I’m not asking for anything in return.” Dean tried to sound as professional as possible.

Cas dialed his number in Dean’s phone and handed it back. “There. Can you send me those screenshots?” Dean nodded with a smile and instantly sent the screenshots over. “Thanks. For you know, everything.” Dean could tell Cas confidence wavered a bit when it came to his art. “Also, if you ever want to call for a booty call, I’ll be there.” Castiel smiled, his confidence returning.

Dean huffed a laugh and stood, if he didn’t leave now, who knows what he would do with Castiel. “Anyways, sorry to interrupt your mind porn about some pretty cop. Take care Cas.” Dean called out as he walked towards the door, a sly smile upon his lips as he exited.

“You too _Officer_.” Cas said softly just before the door closed behind Dean. Neither man could shake the smile on their faces.


	4. Chapter 4

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The boys flirt. 
> 
> Cas looks for a substitute, too bad no one could ever replace Dean. 
> 
> Warning: Non Destiel smut

A couple days later, Cas texted, letting Dean know he would be painting another mural for their local grocery store. Dean’s spirits lifted at the thought of Cas getting off the streets. He had always wanted to help someone like this, help them change their life for the better.

In his two years as a cop, he never found someone who wanted to _change_. He still wasn’t sure Cas did, but at least he was taking steps.

When Dean and Sam met up at the roadhouse for lunch, Sam could tell something was up. “What is it? You’re smiling more than usual.”

“What?” Dean asked innocently. “Can’t a guy smile without getting the third degree?”

Sam huffed a laugh, “A guy can, yes. But you? Something is up.” Sam stated matter of factly.

Dean rolled his eyes and ordered his usual bacon cheeseburger while Sam opted for a chicken salad.

“You need more meat than that Sammy. With that long hair you’re starting to look like an asparagus. Listen to the meat man.” Dean smiled widely.

Sam laughed, “Don’t call yourself that. It doesn’t mean what you think it means.”

Dean turned his head to the side, “Yeah it does.”

The waiter brought their drinks and Sam still had that look causing Dean to sigh, “Look, you remember that tagger we helped a couple weeks back? Well, I helped him find more legit jobs. I dunno, it just feels good to help someone instead of just arresting them.”

Sam nodded knowingly, “I get what you mean. Sometimes throwing them in jail is the answer but sometimes we can do _more_. It’s part of why I love my job, almost feels like, like we save people.” Sam shrugged but Dean knew exactly what he meant. _Saving people_ sounded cheesy, but it sure felt good.

Dean was about halfway through his burger when his phone chimed with a text from Cas.

_**C- You know, I still can’t stop thinking about that pretty cop** _

Dean smiled at his phone, forgetting Sam was watching him.

_**D- Is it the cop you can’t stop thinking about or do you just have a thing for being handcuffed?** _

Dean knew he shouldn’t send this text, it was too… _friendly_ , but he hit send anyway.

_**C- Hmmm now that you mention it...** _

Dean was full on grinning now, images of Cas shirtless in handcuffs clouded his mind. Dean never had a thing for bondage but there was something about Cas that had him breaking all his rules.

“There’s that smile again, except it’s so much worse. Who is texting you Dean?” Sam reached for his phone but Dean was too fast.

“Woah woah, privacy.” Dean put his phone back in his pocket.

“Dean, are you dating someone?” Sam asked, not hiding his amusement.

“ _Dating?_ Pfft. No.” _Fuck that was a dumb response_. “No, Sam. I don’t have time to date.”

Sam shook his head with a smile. “Can’t wait to meet them.”

“Shut up, Sammy.” Dean’s signature, _drop it before I get annoyed,_ response.

When they finished eating and said their goodbyes, Dean climbed into his car, pulling out his phone eagerly. _Nothing_. He tried to hide the disappointment. _Maybe he got busy?_ Dean shrugged and drove home.

Cas didn’t text for a few days, each day leaving Dean more irritable. He couldn’t understand why he wanted to talk to this, _criminal_ so bad. What was it about him? What made him so different than every other thug on the streets? _His eyes. Nope, not going to think about those!_

On day four, Dean woke up to a text… 4:35am, what was Cas doing awake?

_**C- Nope. Definitely the cop** _

Dean couldn’t help but smile before the reality hit him. _Did Cas let someone handcuff him to test that theory? Or was he just thinking of Dean… at 4:35am…_ Dean made a mental note to watch Cas closely next time they were in person. Spotting a drug addict had always been easy for Dean, the signs were clear. Did Cas have them and Dean just didn’t want to see them?

He couldn’t help himself though and texted back.

_**D- Hm wonder who he is. I’d like to meet this cop.** _

Dean got out of bed and did his morning routine. As he sat at the breakfast table eating cereal, his phone chimed again.

_**C- Would you? I heard he’d be at my first mural tonight** _

_**D- Really? Wow. So does Nick know about him too?** _

_**C- He does. But he thinks I should stay away** _

_**D- Well, he is older. Maybe he knows best?** _

Cas doesn’t respond for hours. Dean works the night shift tonight so he took the morning/afternoon to catch up on some tv, just as Dean is getting his uniform on, he hears the chime. He’d never admit the smile he had as he walked over to his phone.

_**C- I don’t think so. Either way, I don’t like being told what to do** _

His smile falters slightly, _yes Cas and that is the problem_. Dean doesn’t text back this time.

Cas on the other hand is having way too much fun with this. He doesn’t try to hide his smile while texting Dean and Nick already knew exactly who he was texting. “What’s your latest conquest up to now?” Nick asked nonchalantly.

“Conquest? I like it. And who knows, he’s playing hard to get.” Cas set his phone aside.

“Maybe he just isn’t interested?” Nick said doubtfully, causing Cas to laugh. “What? Not everyone wants you Cassie.”

“Guess we’ll see tonight.” Cas stood to walk away but Nick grabbed his arm.

“Tonight? Why tonight?”

Cas looked down at where Nick is holding his arm before speaking. “I told him to meet me somewhere.”

Nick groaned, “I swear, if you get arrested tonight, I’m _not bailing_ you out.” Nick tried to sound as though he meant it but Cas knew otherwise. He’d never leave Cas in jail.

Cas smiled, “At least I’d get laid in jail.” Nick doesn’t find that joke very funny. Cas has actually never had trouble getting laid, he just hasn’t tried as of late but he was getting some tonight, even if it _wasn’t_ that pretty cop.

“You ready to be someone’s bottom?” Nick pet Cas’ face to annoy him. “Yes, a pretty little thing like you.” He joked and blew mock kisses.

Cas slapped his hand, “Fuck you, I’ll never be someone’s bitch in jail.” Cas walked away to go get dressed for the day, he had some shopping to do before he could start his new mural.

**********

Cas and Meg went to their usual bar tonight after popping an Oxy. It only took Cas a few drinks to feel that familiar warmth throughout his body, that _warmth_ that he blames his bad decisions on and Cas was _looking_ for a bad decision.

Meg was feeling it too and soon walked over with two bad decisions, one of which was gay, _with green eyes_. Cas took a moment to check them out, making the guy squirm under his intense gaze. He was good at that, making guys squirm. It also made it very easy to spot a bottom and this green eyed beauty was _definitely_ a bottom. The green is wrong, hell the whole person was wrong.

He was shorter than Cas, unlike Dean and too skinny. Dean had always been fully clothed but Cas could tell how muscular Dean was under than uniform. Just picturing Dean had Cas half hard. _This one will have to do._

Cas leaned forward to speak into his ear, “What’s your name?”

Once again, the guy squirmed, Cas’ voice did that to people. He stepped forward towards Cas’ ear, “What do you want it to be?” He licked his lips and smiled at Cas’ very pleased smirk. _Perfect._

“How about, Dean?” Cas asked, watching the man’s body language.

“Sounds good to me, baby.” _Fake Dean_ stepped forward again and Cas slid his hand to the man’s hip.

“So, _Dean_.” Cas put a finger under the man’s chin and tilted his gaze up to meet his. Cas examined his mouth, once again, wrong. This wasn’t _his_ Dean, his lips were much too large. He ran his thumb across them anyway, letting fake Dean know what he wanted. “You have a car?” Cas asked, straight up.

 _Fake Dean_ smiled widely and laced his fingers with Cas’ and led the way outside the bar. Cas gave Meg a nod letting her know he’d be leaving and followed _fake Dean_ out to his Toyota Tacoma. Definitely, _not_ Dean, as if Cas needed any more reminders. _At least the windows are tinted._

Cas climbed in and as soon as he turned to face _fake Dean_ , he was on him. Kissing him sloppily before sucking on his neck as he unbuttoned Cas’ jeans. Cas was sure there would be a hickey but he didn’t care, he was single.

 _Fake Dean_ lowered himself to Cas’ hardening cock and smiled, “I knew you’d be a big boy. Fuck me into the seat baby, make me feel it for days.”

Cas chuckled, “I think that mouth can convince me a little better than your voice.” Cas’ voice was deepened with arousal, this may not be the real Dean but Cas was fucking horny.

As soon as _fake Dean_ swallowed him down, Cas moaned, letting his head fall against the window. _Fuck, fake Dean could suck a dick_. It made Cas wonder if real Dean could too. He started his pace with Cas’ hand resting on his head, small moans escaping Cas’ throat. “Fuck Dean, just like that.” Cas looked down just as _fake Dean_ looked up, they locked eyes for a second and it felt... _wrong_. This wasn't Dean, he could never be Dean. Cas decided not to call him Dean anymore, not even in his head. “Alright you convinced me sweetheart, you got any lube?” Cas pulled out a condom from his pocket and slid it on as, _not Dean sat up._

“Don’t need it baby, I came prepared.” He unbuckled his own jeans and slid them down. After he kicked them off he reached back and pulled out a lube slicked plug, setting it down on top of his pants. “I’m ready handsome.”

Cas smiled, “Turn around.” As soon as he presented his ass in the air, Cas positioned behind him, shoving his jeans down a little further but keeping them on. Cas lined up with the man’s hole and slowly slid inside with a groan. Even after the plug, his hole squeezed around Cas’ length. “Still tight.” Cas waited a second, trying to give the man time to adjust but he was a needy bottom.

“Fuck me. Fuck me hard.” Not Dean attempted to turn and face Cas. _Can’t have that_. Cas slid out and then slammed back in. “Yes baby just like that. Make me feel it.” Cas started pounding into him, tuning out all the guy’s, _Yes. Just like that. Right there_. bullshit, picturing the only person Cas really wanted to fuck, _Dean_. Cas was brought back to reality as the man came, untouched, all over his upholstery. “Fuck yes baby, that cock fills me so good.”

Cas fought the urge to tell him to shut up, he didn’t want to hear his damn voice. He just needed to come so he could get the hell out of there. Cas closed his eyes, fucking him hard until he came, picturing Dean’s beautiful face.

At least it wasn’t awkward when they said their goodbyes, when two people fuck without even sharing names, they both know the deal. They served their purpose and went their separate ways.

**********

Cas found himself at his first mural, _Dean’s green eye._ He was drunker than he anticipated so the walk over was an adventure. He wasn’t sure if Dean ever showed tonight and since it was so late, Cas worried he missed him.

Dean avoided the mural all together the whole night, just on principle. He knew Cas was talking about him when he said _pretty cop_ but he wanted to send a text message in the morning to tease about the mysterious cop being a no show. Unfortunately, his curiosity got the best of him.

 _What if Cas was actually there? Waiting for him._ Dean drove over, _just a peak_.

When Dean saw a shadow moving about in the alleyway, he got out of his car to check it out. Secretly hoping it was Cas.

“Well hello, Dean.” Cas stumbled forward with a smirk.


	5. Chapter 5

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Dean finds something in Cas’ pocket and demands answers...

Dean sighed, “Cas are you drunk?” He put his flashlight away and walked over.

“Maybe you’re so drunk it looks like I’m drunk?” Cas made an adorable face when he shrugged, not that Dean would admit it. “Guess we’ll never know.”

Dean laughed in spite of himself, “No Cas. _I’m_ sober.” Dean pointed at his uniform, “I’m working. Why are you here? Are you alone?”

“Pfft, no. I’m with you silly, are you sure you’re sober.” Cas walked closer, crowding Dean’s space. “So beautiful. Can we fuck now?”

Dean rolled his eyes and stepped back, “No.”

Once again, Cas looked adorable, “But why?” _Was that a fucking pout? Shit, get it together Winchester._

“Because I’m working Cas, and you’re drunk. Not to mention I’ve arrested you. Don’t make me arrest you again Cas, where is Nick?” Dean’s facade was cracking, as much as he tried to fight it, Cas was breaking through.

Cas licked his lips and then smiled, “Do you really want Nick? Because I have to tell you, he’s straight.”

Dean cut him off, “No idiot, I’m asking for your safety. It’s late, you’re intoxicated and not near your house. Let me take you home.” Dean put his arm behind Cas to lead him to the car.

“Okay fine Mr. Officer.” When they reached the car, Cas turned around so he and Dean were face to face and for some reason, Dean didn’t move away. Cas licked his lips again, noticing how Dean’s eyes watched his tongue. “Just let me take care of you.” Cas whispered.

Cas’ hands gripped Dean’s hips and brought their crotches together as he bit his lip. Dean couldn’t fight it anymore, it had been too long since he had been touched. _Fuck it, Cas is hot, we’re both single, no one has to know… is that a hickey?_

Dean instantly pulled away, disappointed. “Nice hickey Cas. Get in the car.” Dean walked around to the drivers side, not sure why a hickey upset him so much. Not like he and Cas were a _thing._

Cas climbed in the backseat with a groan and shut the door. Dean opened his door and saw Cas in the backseat, “You’re just so used to being back there huh?” Dean climbed in the driver's seat and turned on the car.

“What you mean?” Cas slurred, looking around confused. “Were you going to let me ride in the front seat?”

“Yup.” Dean shut the door and put on his seatbelt.

“Wait, let me out. I want to go up there.” Cas attempted to open the door but it was locked. “Unlock it, Dean. Are these child locks??”

Dean couldn’t help but laugh at how flustered Cas was. “Yes Cas, child locks, this is a police car, we don’t exactly want people in the backseat to come and go as they please.”

“Fine, come let me out, I want to be up there with you.” Cas whined.

“Nope. Too late now.” Dean put the car in drive and headed towards Cas’ house.

“Rude.” Cas laid back on the seat and put his hands above his head.

“Cas, seatbelt.” Dean looked back and saw Cas’ hip peeking out from under his shirt, making him shiver. _What is it about this guy? Has it been _that_ long since I’ve gotten laid? _

Cas dozed off on the short drive and Dean had to open his door to try and wake him but he took a moment to admire Cas’ relaxed beauty while he was unconscious. He suddenly wished they met under different circumstances, _any_ other circumstances, really.

After a few moments Dean sighed, he needed to stay away from Castiel.

“Cas, wake up.” Dean tapped his knee.

“Dean.” Cas mumbled under his breath.

Dean rolled his eyes and reached into Cas’ pockets to find his keys. He pulled out a condom wrapper, another reminder that Cas wasn’t and would _never_ be his. Dean reached back in and pulled out a folded napkin, Cas was still out so Dean peeked inside.

_Fucking pills... Fuck!_

Dean had a feeling Cas was doing _something_ but he didn’t want it to be true. He was pretty sure these were Adderall and Oxy but to be sure he pocketed them to google later. He reached in Cas’ pockets again, worried about what he might find this time but _finally_ found his keys.

Dean walked over and started unlocking the door but Nick opened it before he could finish, his shock turned to anger. “What the fuck did he do _now?!_ ”

Dean sighed and handed Nick the key, “Nothing. Well, I found him roaming the streets drunk, I was just bringing him home.”

Nick ran a hand through his hair, “Fucking, Cas. Where is he? Need a hand?” Dean nodded and the men walked over to get Cas. Nick was much rougher than Dean was and slapped the shit out of Cas’ cheek. “Wake the fuck up!” He slapped him again.

“Hey, just let me carry him. No need to hit.” Dean didn’t know why he cared, he sure _wanted_ to slap the shit out of Cas too but he still felt protective of him.

Cas stirred and mumbled something they could only hear pieces of, “... Dean… want… cop…”

It was obvious he was either talking _about_ Dean or _to_ Dean, but they couldn’t tell which.

Dean pulled him down by his hips and then lifted him up, ignoring the feelings it stirred inside. “I got him.” Dean cradled Cas in his arms, close to his chest as Nick led the way, opening Cas’ bedroom door.

When Dean laid Cas in bed he stirred again, gripping Dean’s neck. “H-hey beautiful. Had a dream you were in my bed… here you are.” Cas kissed Dean’s neck as he pulled away and then rolled over, Dean was sure Cas wouldn’t remember that kiss... but Dean would.

Dean touched where Cas kissed, wishing he could have more. God how he wanted more. Dean glanced up and noticed the angel wing mural behind Cas’ bed, the details were breathtaking. Cas had art scattered around his room and it made Dean wish he could just sit and look at all of it. He noticed a worn sketchpad on the dresser and walked towards it, just as he reached for it Nick knocked on the door.

“Can we talk?” Nick asked, surely just to get the cop out of his brother’s room while he was unconscious.

Dean followed him out, shutting the door behind him. “His shoes and stuff are still on, I was going to help him out of those but got distracted by his art.” Dean sat at the table with Nick.

“Thanks for bringing him home and not, arresting him. You do that hickey?” Nick asked, there was no judgement in his voice, only curiosity.

Dean frowned nonetheless, “No! Why would you think that??”

Nick shrugged, “Whatever, none of my business. Again, thanks for bringing him home. I’ll help him out of his shoes.”

Dean hesitated before pulling out the folded napkin and handing it to Nick.

Nick looked down at it but didn’t reach for it, “You still frisked him?”

“No, I was looking for his key and found them. What are they Nick? Adderall _and_ Oxy? And don’t lie, lies won't help him. If you had no clue, you would have looked inside the napkin but you didn’t because already knew.”

Nick sighed, “Dammit, Cassie.” Nick’s voice was small. “So, he isn’t under arrest? Why?”

“I don’t want to arrest him Nick, I want to help him. But I can’t help him, if I don’t have the facts.” Dean unfolded the napkin. “I know these round orange ones are Adderall. But I’m not positive about these white ones, my first instinct is Oxy, but why would he be mixing a downer and an upper? And how bad is the problem?”

“I don’t know about the Oxy, okay. That’s new and he hasn’t told me shit about it.” Nick pounded the table in frustration. “Adderall he has a prescription for… or _had._ He says it isn’t a problem but I don’t fucking know anymore, I mean he hasn’t been fidgeting around all the time like he used to.”

“What does that mean? _Fidgeting around?_ ” Dean asked, trying to understand. “Does Cas have ADHD?”

Nick shrugged, “He was never officially diagnosed. My dad just told them he wouldn’t stop moving and they gave him pills to make him stop.”

Speechless, all Dean could think to say was, “That’s fucked up.”

“Tell me about it. At least then it was a lower dose, now that he gets it… from, you know, not a pharmacy, he’s getting a higher dose. Wouldn’t be surprised if he’s taking it the same though.” Nick felt shitty talking about Cas this way, but it was nice to get it all out. Especially when it seemed like Dean actually cared about Cas too. “You can’t repeat any of this, if you care half as much as you’re acting you care, you won’t turn him in, I’m trusting you here, Dean.”

Dean nodded, it was the first time Nick called him by his actual name. “I know, Nick. I’m not turning him in, you have my word. But we have to figure out how bad the problem is, before we can help it.”

Nick handed Dean his phone, “Put your number in, I’ll keep an eye out.” Nick paused, “If at any point you involve _anyone_ else we’re done okay? This can’t become about the law at any point in time. I just want my brother healthy.”

Dean put his number in Nick’s phone and then called himself so he’d have Nick’s number as well. “Talk soon.” Dean stood up and let himself out, leaving the pills behind, his mind reeling.

_Why the fuck do I care so much?!_


	6. Chapter 6

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Dean goes out with Charlie to forget about Cas... what could go wrong?

Castiel woke up feeling like shit, he definitely drank _way_ too fucking much. He stumbled out of his room past noon to puke and managed a shower soon after, feeling _almost_ human when he finally made his way to the couch.

“You look like shit, Cas.” Nick said in a deadpan tone.

“Thanks.” Cas groaned. “Did Dean bring me home?” He was trying to piece together the night before.

“Yup.” Cas looked over at Nick with a frown.

“What’s up your ass?” Cas could feel the tension radiating off his brother.

Nick scoffed, “What’s up my ass?” Nick threw an Oxy at Cas, unable to contain his anger. “What the fuck is _that_ Cas?”

He picked up the pill to see which it was, “Her name is Roxy.” Cas stated as he slid the pill in his pocket. “But you knew that huh?”

“No shit! Why are you mixing those with your meds?” Nick stared at him, trying to understand.

“Don’t get all high and mighty Nick, you don’t know how it feels to be fucking fidgeting all the damn time. People stare at you like your crazy or-or on fucking drugs. They help me feel normal. I’ve been trying to take less addys, and these help.” Castiel stood up to walk away, done with this conversation.

“Cassie, please just sit down.” Nick’s tone changed but he wasn’t fooling Cas, he was still pissed.

Cas stayed standing, “If I sit down again, are you going to start fucking preaching?”

“No. Dammit Cas, can’t you just let someone in this world give a fuck about you? You’re my baby brother and I’d like it if you didn’t _die_ at twenty-three. Is that so much to ask?” Nick sat back clearly exhausted.

Cas caved and sat down with a sigh, “I’m not going to die Nick, I only take enough to feel normal throughout the day. I’ll start tapering off.” He didn’t know why he was trying to comfort Nick but he felt his brother needed it, even if it was a lie.

**********

The next couple weeks went by in a blur, Dean once again doesn’t see or hear from Cas outside of his, _thanks for the ride_ , text he sent the morning after Dean took him home.

He does on the other hand hear from Nick. Not right away, not until the Sunday after their discussion.

_**N- Cas didn’t come home again. You see him?** _

D- No. Should we be worried? I thought you said that was normal?

N- That was before a cop slapped me in the face with the realization that my baby brother is on Oxy

Dean can hear the irritation in the text, but Nick must not be too mad since he’s texting. Before Dean can respond Nick texted again,

_**N- It’s been two days** _

And then he dropped a bomb.

_**N- I’m worried he is snorting it** _

Dean stared at his phone, he didn’t expect Nick to ever open up on his own like that and he sure as shit doesn’t know what to say. He pictured Cas snorting pills and his stomach dropped into his balls.

_**N- Good talk** _

_Shit!_ Dean realized he didn’t respond during his horrible visual of someone as beautiful as Cas doing something so… _wrong._

Dean pressed the call button, seeing as Nick has already shut down text wise. It took five rings for Nick to pick up.

“What?” Dean can tell through the phone Nick already regrets his text.

“Why do you think that?” Dean couldn’t find it in himself to beat around the bush right then.

Nick huffed a laugh but knew exactly what Dean is asking about, “Well, he comes out of the room sniffling.”

His tone is almost normal, as if they are talking about weather or art. Except they aren’t, they are talking about _Cas_ and just how far his drug habits have gone.

Nick sighed, “Why are you acting this way?”

The question caught Dean off guard, “What _way?_ ”

“I don’t know like you give a fuck at all I guess. I’ve never told anyone what I just told you, _anyone!_ Not even my girlfriend, who also thinks that asshole walks on water. I open up and tell you and you go radio silence on the other end, like he’s more important to you than he is to me. It’s _my_ brother Dean. This is much harder on me I assure you.”

Dean let him rant and unfortunately didn’t have an answer. “No, you’re right I’m sorry. I was just taking a moment to process. I didn’t realize it was that bad.”

Dean could almost hear Nick’s eye roll, “So... what? Too much for you? Ready to run for the hills?”

“No. No, not that at all. Nick, where does he normally go on nights out?” Dean switched to officer mode, _concerned friend_ has him speechless and sad for Cas. He needed to approach this differently, more like a cop except without sounding like a cop because then Nick would never confide in him again. _Why is this so difficult?_

“He hangs out with this girl named Meg. She does all of our tattoos, I’m not saying her last name but I know she has a huge crush on him and… this is all still _off record right?_ ”

“Yes, Nick.” It was Dean’s turn to roll his eyes. “I’m not _just_ a damn cop alright?”

“Whatever, if he asked her to get him pills I’m sure she wouldn’t hesitate.” Nick paused before adding, “Sometimes they go out to bars and stuff but most of the time they just hang out, they both love to draw but now I’m worried they just sit and get high together.”

Dean nodded even though Nick couldn’t see him. “Alright, I’ll keep an eye out. Can you just send a text when he’s home safe?” Dean asked before he could stop himself.

“Yes dad. Talk later.” Nick hung up before Dean could question him anymore.

The idea of Cas getting high with some chick made Dean slightly nauseous. He realized he doesn’t even know exactly how gay Cas even is, maybe he’s bi too? _Why the fuck am I focusing on that bullshit when Cas could be dead in a ditch?!_ Dean chastised himself before looking up local tattoo shops.

He found a Meg Masters, working at a shop called _Devil’s Touch_ , weird name but at least it was easy to remember. He maped it and drove over.

He walked in to look around, pretending he’s interested in a tattoo, only to find out Meg is off that day. She is probably with Cas but at least he can come back tomorrow and try again. If appointments didn’t require a downpayment he would have made one for good measure but he doesn’t want to pay and he sure doesn’t want to look like a cop.

Dean worked a twelve hour shift Monday and didn’t find time to go by the shop but Tuesday he woke up to a text from Nick at 5:32AM,

_**N- He’s home** _

Dean breathed a sigh of relief, at least he’s alive.

More days pass with no sign of Cas, leaving Dean feeling solemn. He seriously needs to get this _criminal_ no, this _junkie criminal_ off his mind. Dean hoped the name calling will magically help his brain realize how bad Cas is for him and he will move on. It doesn’t work, all he thinks about is Castiel’s fucking blue eyes.

When Saturday rolls around, Dean’s best friend Charlie _demands_ he goes out with her. She never takes no as an answer but it just so happens Dean is up for it this week, anything to forget Cas, even if just for the night.

**********

After a few beers, Dean opened up about Cas, he’ll definitely regret this tomorrow and to top it off, Charlie _hates_ him already.

“I don’t get it.” She stated firmly. “You met when you _arrested_ him, Dean. Of _all_ the people to crush on? Really? I don’t care how damn blue his eyes are so don’t tell me about them again okay. Use your upstairs brain.”

It takes a lot for Charlie to step up on her soapbox, most things she’s easy breezy with, especially when it comes to getting laid. She brought Dean to this cock infested bar so _he_ could get laid, _not_ her. She may not bat for this team but she is an _excellent_ wingwoman.

“Look, he has… a _problem_. I just want to help. I want to _feel_ like I’m helping someone. You of all people should understand _his_ side, he’s hooked on the same stuff you were hooked on.” Dean whisperd at the end. Charlie nodded.

“I get that. You were there for me, and I know it felt like you failed when I relapsed but _you_ didn’t, you really _did_ help okay, I was the one who failed.” Charlie squeezed his hand. “If he’s just doing Adderall, he can kick it in a week or so, but _he_ has to want it though Dean.”

Dean sighed and took another swig of beer. “He’s also doing Oxy, from what he tells his brother it isn’t much but I don’t know if I believe it.” Charlie sat up and raised her eyebrows.

“If he’s mixing a downer and an upper, it doesn’t sound like he wants to be around long. Specifically _those_ two together is so bad for your heart.” Charlie can see how worried Dean is and tried to change the subject, “Okay, we’ll talk about this another time. We’re here for you to forget about Cas for the night. There’s this guy, his back is facing us now but from your description he might be close enough to be a substitute _Cas_ tonight.” She wiggled her eyebrows. “Should I go grab him?”

Dean shook his head, “No… where is he standing though?” He asked curiously.

Charlie smiled, “Back still to us but he’s to the left, at the bar, standing.” Dean turned to look and from behind, the dude definitely could be Cas. He was wearing some black jeans like Cas wears but it looked like he was wearing chucks and he didn’t have Cas’ messy hair but he really _did_ look like Cas.

Dean looked away before he got caught looking and rolled his eyes at Charlie's excitement. “Shut up. I’m going to the bathroom, _don’t_ get any ideas.” Dean got up and headed closer to the man but he still never turned around. _If he has blue eyes I might have to fucking go for it._ Shaking the thoughts away, Dean entered the bathroom.

When Dean returns he instantly knows Charlie didn’t listen, the man has his back to Dean again, except he’s hovering over their damn table. _Goddammit Charlie!_

Dean walked up with a frown, “Hey Dean, this is Castiel.” She made a face like it’s some _miracle_ this mysterious Cas doppelgänger also has a similar name.

“Are you fucking kidding me?” Dean deadpans as he slid into the booth. Charlie’s eyes widen when it clicks.

“Hello, Officer.” Cas’ tone was light, he’s definitely drunk and probably high.

Dean shook his head, “Stalking me?” _Lame joke._

Charlie gave Cas the stink eye and he looked over at Dean who was making a _cool it_ face at Charlie, Cas instantly caught on.

“Dean? You’ve told her about me? I’m flattered.” Cas slid into Dean’s side of the booth with a huge grin. “I didn’t know we were telling people already.”

Dean sighed, “I don’t know what you’re talking about.” _Fucking smooth! Where is the damn exit?!_

Cas just smiled. “You look good.” Flirting, as usual.

“You look drunk.” Dean stared into Cas’ eyes, allowing himself to get lost for a moment before he realized how dilated they are and had to look away. “And high.”

Cas’ grin faltered slightly, “Even off duty you’re a prude.” He can tell Charlie is about to tell him off so he stood, “Not that this _wasn’t_ fun, but I had a sure thing at the bar.” He knocked on the table, “See ya around, pretty.” Cas turned and walked back to his spot at the bar, only then did Dean notice the man next to Cas.

He’s shorter than Cas and attractive enough but something about him rubed Dean the wrong way. It’s probably how preppy he’s dressed, Cas _could get better_. The guy completely lit up when Cas returned, and why wouldn’t he? Cas is fucking gorgeous. Dean stared for too long and by the time he realized and turned back towards Charlie, she rolled her eyes, “ _Charming_.”

“What did you guys even talk about? How did you get him to our table?” Dean asked curiously.

“I asked him if I could see his tattoos. They are awesome even if he is an ass.” Charlie finished off her beer. “I’m going to go grab another, you want one?” Dean nodded, not about to turn down a beer.

He suddenly had the urge to cockblock Cas, _why not? He’s always fucking with my head. Time for payback._

Dean stood up and made his way over, knowing Charlie was going to yell at him after but not caring.

“Sir, I’m going to need you to come with me. You’re wanted for questioning about the disappearance of two local males.” Dean managed to keep his face straight as the guy looked at Cas and waved goodbye, leaving the bar entirely.

“Dude, what the fuck?” Cas held his hands out, still in shock. _Who’s in who’s head now, asshat?_

“Oh, when you rubbed your neck that wasn’t a signal to save you? My bad. I saved your ass though, that guy was clearly out of your league.” Dean couldn’t remember the last time he smiled this widely.

Cas couldn’t help but smile and goddammit if it wasn’t the most beautiful smile in the world, “You’re an assbutt, you owe me a blowjob.”

“Put it on my tab. And assbutt? Really Cas?” _Stop enjoying his company, he’s a junkie_. Dean’s inner monologue has to ruin all the fun.

“Will do pretty. You should know, your tab will need to be paid soon, _in full_.” Cas ignored Dean’s comment on _assbutt_.

Dean leaned in close, the alcohol giving him more courage than he’d normally have as he whispered in Cas’ ear, “You couldn’t handle one of my blowjobs Cas...”

Cas grabbed Dean’s hips and brought him in, closing the distance and instantly flipping the tables on Dean. “Baby you couldn’t handle _mine._ I’d swallow your load in two minutes _tops_.” Cas brushed their crotches together and walked away.

“Blow me Cas!” Dean yelled out, regretting it the moment it left his lips.

“Oh, I plan on it sweetheart.” Cas didn’t even look back but said it loud enough for Dean to hear. Realizing Cas is going towards the bathroom, Dean had a moment of weakness. _Was that a fucking invite? Would Cas actually blow me in the bathroom right now?_ Temptation burned through Dean’s skin, specifically in his pants as his cock chubbed slightly. _Fuck_.

Returning to their booth, Dean had a dumb grin stretching across his face. Charlie slid a beer over and snapped her fingers to call Dean back to reality. “So... he’s fun.”

“Who? Oh Cas? No. He’s... ” Dean waved a hand, “shut up Charles.”

“ _Who?_ ” Charlie repeated sarcastically before attempting to lighten the mood. “At least he’s hot.”

Dean’s eyes gave his thoughts away. _So hot. Like the fucking sun as it blazes in the afternoon sky._ Instead, Dean just shrugs.

After some more drinks and impromptu drop in’s from Cas, Charlie began to understand. “Okay, I see the appeal, he’s hot, fun, and charming, _as I said before,_ but I can also see he’s _more_ than that.” She hesitated, “I can see he means something to you and you’re not going to give up until you save _him_.” Charlie sighed, “I just worry about you Dean. You want to help _everyone_ and sometimes people can’t be helped. Does he seem like a guy looking for someone to save him?” She asked lightly and surprisingly without judgement.

She motioned over to where Cas is standing with a girl Dean believes is Meg but isn’t completely sure and a few other guys. Cas was laughing at something, looking completely carefree and genuinely happy. Dean had to admit, “No, he doesn’t.” Running a hand down his face, Dean continues, “But that doesn’t mean I shouldn’t try. He may not realize he has a problem yet but he does, his own _brother_ is worried enough to confide in me, that’s _huge_ in my line of work Charles.”

Charlie nodded. She knew Dean would do whatever he felt was right but she couldn’t help but feel like Cas was bad news, especially if Dean was catching _actual_ feelings for the guy and the way Dean beamed every time he spoke to Cas told her it was already, too late.


	7. Chapter 7

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Dean just can’t stay away...

The next morning, Dean awoke on Charlie’s couch. Sitting up with a groan, he pulled out his phone to check the time. _8:34, why the fuck am I awake??_ Dean sighs, remembering last night's events.

He remembers Cas dancing with Meg and almost envying his confidence and ability to let go. At one point, Cas even nodded towards the bathroom and Dean _actually_ almost followed him.

When Dean rejected him, yet again, Cas moved on to another _green eyed_ conquest. Must have worked out for him because within thirty minutes he was gone.

Charlie saw it all play out and attempted to talk about it once before Dean abruptly changed the subject. He was _fine_.

This morning though, he worries about Cas. It seemed unlike him that he wouldn’t say goodbye since he _always_ took every opportunity to fuck with Dean’s head. _Why would he just disappear? Unless he was just that fucked up… Sonofabitch._

Dean swallowed his pride and sent Cas a text before he could back out.

_**D- Found a new conquest or are you passed out in another ditch?** _

Dean made his way to the bathroom to wash up and use the toothbrush he left at Charlie’s house. He took a quick peek into her room and saw she wasn’t alone, _shit!_ “Uh, sorry Chuckles. Talk later!” Dean rushed out of her apartment without listening for a response.

Dean called an uber to take him back to his car and did the _walk of shame_ across the parking lot before climbing into Baby and taking a moment to listen to her purr. He doesn’t look at his texts until he parks in his driveway

_**C- Aww are you worried about me? I had to find a new one seeing as the one I really wanted is a prude** _

Dean almost smiled, he's happy Cas is alive and relatively surprised to get a response before sunset but the jealousy in his gut is unexpected. Before Dean can respond Cas texts again.

_**C-You’re telling friends about me, checking up to see if i’m safe, cockblocking me... are we boyfriends? I’ve never had one so i’m not sure the proper etiquette** _

_**D- What? No! I didn’t say that!** _

_**C- Since we’re boyfriends now, can we finally fuck or do I have to like hold your hand and shit first? Also, did Nick really tell you about the ditch? That was ONE fucking time** _

_**D- I never said we were boyfriends! And hold hands Cas, really? What are you twelve?** _

_**C- I’m thirteen actually** _

_**D- Oh well in that case, you’re still too young for me.** _

_**C- I’m very mature for my age** _

_**D- Uh huh. The sneakers and finger painting in the middle of the night definitely makes you way more distinguished.** _

_**C- What do you have against my sneakers? Also, finger painting? I do much more interesting things with my fingers Dean** _

_**D- Stealing?** _

_**C- Tell me your address and I’ll just come show you** _

_**D- No thanks, I actually love my flat screen.** _

_**C- I’ll give you a cut, 25% sound ok?** _

_**D- You must be high to think I’d settle for anything less than 75%** _

_**C- I might be** _

Dean sent the eye roll emoji and wasn’t surprised Cas didn’t respond right away. He reread their messages and caught something he missed while they were bantering.

_**D- Wait. The ditch actually happened? I need this story.** _

_**C- nevermind** _

_**C- Don’t you have crimes to solve Sherlock?** _

_**D- Wanna grab a pipe and help me solve them Watson?** _

_**C- Who?** _

_**D- You don’t know Watson? Have you been hiding under a rock or are you just an uneducated potato?** _

_**C- Uneducated? Does that mean you majored in the tales of Sherlock Holmes?** _

_**D- No Cas, it’s called television. You should try it.** _

_**C- Television? Like porn?** _

_**D- Mind porn maybe** _

_**C- I’ll be your Watson or whatever as long as Sherlock and Watson fuck** _

_**D- .... they go to prison together. Close enough?** _

_**C- Did Sherlock put Watson in prison for looking at art too?** _

_**D- Pretty sure Watson was doing a lot of things and none of them were ‘looking at art’** _

_**C- Ok I’m intrigued. Send your address and I’ll come watch** _

_**D- Oh so now you wanna Netflix and chill with the guy who arrested you for looking at art?** _

_**C- More the chill part but yes, essentially that is the gist. Can I handcuff you this time?** _

_**D- Can’t even buy me dinner before you wanna handcuff me? Look Cas, I’m a classy broad.** _

_**C- Fine, I’ll bring a pizza** _

_**D- I already ate.** _

_**C- You make it really difficult to get in your pants** _

_**D- I’ll take that as a compliment.** _

_**C- You probably couldn’t handle it anyway choirboy** _

_**D- Choir boy? Yeah, I guess. I love getting on my knees to…** _

_**D- …** _

_**D- pray** _

_**C- And a fucking tease? I knew you’d be a bratty bottom** _

_**D- You must be high if you think I’m a bottom...** _

_**C- Fuck!** _

_**D- Something wrong Cas? Did I ruin your fantasy? Oops.** _

Dean realized he _actually_ made the infamous Castiel Novak, speechless when he saw the three dots appear and disappear multiple times.

_**D- Well, I guess it’s time for me to shower. Sorry I ruined your fantasy.** _

_**C- This changes nothing. I don’t give up easily sweetheart, You will be my bottom and you’ll fucking love it!** _

_**D- Keep telling yourself that babe.** _

_**D- Will I though? Guess we’ll never know.** _

Dean didn’t even notice he was sitting in his car, grinning at his phone like an idiot until his neighbor honked at him and waved.

Cas on the other hand was frowning. _This assbutt flipped the tables on me._ Cas didn’t believe Dean was hard top, he was definitely fucking with him but Dean _wanting_ Cas to believe that wasn’t a good sign. He’s obviously flirting back but maybe he just likes the game. Maybe he doesn’t actually want Cas in that way because to him, Cas is just a low life on the streets.

Cas was under no impression Dean would ever want a relationship with him aside from a one night stand and Cas could live with that, he’s never had an actual relationship anyway. But to think Dean may never even want to hook up worried him, the sexual tension between them was distracting, they _had_ to fuck… _right?_

Cas considered texting Dean again but left it alone. He just wanted to get home. Waking up in a stranger’s bed was always the worst, he never slept well and was always disappointed in himself for not having his shit together enough to make it home, or at least to Meg’s. Now he has to make his exit awkwardly as the dude tries to make him breakfast.

“Thanks anyway, I just really need to get back.” Cas could easily make up a story, but why, not like he’d ever be back here again.

“Well, we could have another quicky… if you wanted.” The man said nervously, Cas stared at him for a moment, trying to remember his name. He had a Scottish accent which makes sense, that always made Cas weak in the knees.

 _Fuck, what was his damn name?! I think it started with an R… Fuck_. Cas gave up on his internal struggle and walked towards him. The man was pretty fucking hot. He had curly hair which Cas enjoyed pulling as his dick was in the man’s throat. His beard was a little long for Cas’ taste but the dude still rocked it well and he was a few inches shorter than Cas. One thing Cas didn’t notice wrong with him last night was his eyes were _blue_ , not green… Cas could have sworn they were green. Guess that’s the _other_ thing wrong with him, the _main_ problem being, he wasn’t Dean.

Cas gripped his hair and pulled him into a kiss. After some quick frottage in the man’s kitchen, Cas made his way outside, inhaling the scent of the crisp morning air.

Cas began his walk home with only one thing on his mind, Dean. _Why would Dean ever hook up with me anyway? He can have anyone in this entire city, go figure he would lie about us not being sexually compatible. He doesn’t want someone like me, he’s too good, too pure, I would just fuck it all up._

Cas enjoyed the _game_ , but he wasn’t some deviant that couldn’t take a hint. If Dean truly wasn’t interested, Cas would back off. _Only time will tell._

Dean checked his phone multiple times that day, hoping Cas would text, not that he’d ever admit that to anyone. When he never did, Dean had to stop himself from texting at _least_ four times. _What is it about this guy that is in my head?!_

*********

After a week of no news from Cas _or_ Nick, Dean started patrolling Cas’ murals more often, hoping to see him. He had started on a new one at the local grocery store and every day Dean drove by there was more added to the mural, it made Dean smile every time. Dean knew it was only a matter of time before he saw Cas again and finally, that Wednesday their schedules clashed.

Dean parked across the street with a grin, Cas was up on a ladder looking like he was the damn art. He was wearing the outfit Dean arrested him in, complete with the bandana. Dean would never admit to how many times he jacked off to this exact look on Cas, his fantasies always included Cas wearing this outfit, fucking Dean against the wall of his painting, sometimes Dean was fucking Cas, sometimes the paint was wet and they both were covered in it at the end. All depended on Dean’s mood.

Shaking the thoughts away, Dean climbed out of his car to get a closer look. _Wonder when he’ll notice I’m even here._

To answer Dean’s question, a long time.

Cas was _completely_ zoned out in his painting, it was as if no one below that ladder existed. Dean had never seen that level of concentration on Cas, in fact, the _only_ person he’d ever seen the look on before, was Charlie.

Cas was definitely _loaded_ on Adderall right now and Dean crossed his fingers that it wasn’t anything more.

After awhile of watching, Dean walked over to the ladder, “Hey Cas!” He yelled, seeing the earbuds in Cas’ ears.

Cas didn’t hear him until the second time Dean called his name and he climbed down from the ladder. “Hello, _babe_. Fancy meeting you here.”

"I saw your work a couple days ago. Are you feeling alright?" Dean asked slowly.

Cas looked away. “Yeah. Just focused, they wanted colorful fruit and shit so here it is.” He avoided Dean’s gaze as he rocked on his feet. “Oh, how are you? That is what normal people ask in return right?” He joked. Wringing out his hands.

"I'm good. How much sleep have you gotten this week, Cas?" Dean asked, in a normal calm tone, he definitely knew these symptoms.

Cas frowned at him. “Are you and Nick friends now?” Since when did anyone else care about his sleep. “I didn’t count the hours okay. I’m a little distracted, they want this done for some event next Wednesday.” Cas’ tone was slightly defensive.

Dean paused, "Alright. But Cas, I have to ask, are you...using?"

Cas rolled his eyes. “I don’t drink or smoke when I'm painting… well, anymore and I don't shoot shit alright.” Cas went to walk back to the ladder, clearly annoyed.

Dean didn't reply. Technically Cas hadn't lied to him just now, but Dean knew. He _had_ to find Nick.


	8. Chapter 8

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Burgers  
> Pie  
> Flirtations...
> 
> A chapter full of cliches, not sorry.

It didn’t take much driving to find Nick since he just so happened to be making his way to Cas anyway.

“Need a lift?” Dean called out the window, laughing at Nick’s hesitance. “Not in the back genius, I can tell you’re going to see Cas. I just came from there, let me give you a ride.”

“Fine.” Nick looked around nervously and climbed in. “I’m taking him lunch, fucker won’t eat unless he’s reminded sometimes.”

Dean shook his head and pulled back on the road. “He doesn’t look so good.” Dean stole a glance at Nick who was staring out the window.

With a sigh, Nick turned to face Dean, “How does he look?”

“Like he’s loaded Nick. Like he hasn’t slept in days. Like he isn’t eating. Should I keep going?” Dean knew he sounded harsh, but Nick needed to hear this. “What are you bringing him to eat a _sandwich_?”

Nick looked over at Dean, surprised, “What? Why are you asking like that?”

“Because Cas needs some meat on his damn bones Nick. When is the last time he had an actual meal?”

Nick scoffed, “I’m sorry _dad_ , home cooked meals are hard to come by these days. Cas is never home, Dean. What am I supposed to do?”

“I dunno Nick!” Dean sighed, “I don’t know. But he needs to eat.” Dean pulled in the Roadhouse diner’s parking lot and parked. “The owner here is basically my aunt, her name is Ellen. She’ll whip something up for him but you have to say it’s from you and not me, something tells me he’d take it wrong and think it’s charity.” Dean rolled his eyes and reached for the handle.

“Or he’ll just keep trying to hook up with you.” Nick laughed, “You haven’t right?”

“Why’s it always about sex with you Novak’s? No, we haven’t yet.” Dean’s eyes widened at his use of the word _yet_. “Not that we would ever, I- I didn’t mean _yet_ okay?” _Goddammit!_

Nick fought a smile, “Whatever you say, Officer.”

Dean shook his head, mostly at himself and climbed out of the car. “I’ll grab you one too, Cas likes burgers right?”

Nick rolled his eyes, “Who doesn’t like burgers, Dean?”

“Just for that you don’t get a shake.” Dean closed the door and made his way inside.

Jo spotted him first from the bar, “Dean! Didn’t expect you in today, aren’t you on the clock?”

Dean rubbed his stomach, “Hey a man’s gotta eat, Jo.” He approached the bar and leaned against it. “Can I get three burger meals to go?”

“Three? Who are you meeting?” Jo asked curiously before peeking her head in the kitchen and calling out the order.

“It isn’t a meeting, I’m just helping out some friends.” Dean shrugged and then rolled his eyes at Jo’s face. “Shut up.”

Jo laughed, “I love how hard you try to hide your sweetness. Where’s Charlie?” She busied herself drying a glass that was already dry.

Dean smiled, “Who’s askin?” Jo smacked his arm. “I’m kidding. She’s at work like most adults we know. I’ll tell her you asked.”

Jo smacked him again, “Don’t you dare!”

“I don’t get it, you know she is interested, you’re obviously interested, what the hell Jo?”

With a sigh, Jo walked around the bar to sit with Dean. “I don’t know. I’ve never actually dated a chick Dean, and Charlie is… _experienced_.” They both laughed at that, Charlie was basically how Dean was in high school. A hoe.

“Don’t hold it against her, she is just single. If you were upfront about it all she wouldn’t even _look_ at another woman again. She has it _bad_ for you and thinks she could never have you. What do you really expect?”

Jo shrugged, “What’s it like being with someone with the same parts?”

Dean laughed, “Well I hate to burst your bubble, but I have different parts. Can’t really answer that for you, check out some lez porn.” Dean shrugged, earning himself another slap. “What lesbian porn is almost as hot as dude porn Jo.”

She shuddered, “I’ll check out some chick porn but I’m _not_ watching a damn sword fight.”

Dean laughed so hard he coughed, “I haven’t laughed that hard in a while.” They set his bag of food on the counter and Jo stood up.

“On the house Dean, put your wallet away.” Rolling her eyes, Jo hugged him.

“Can I get a few slices of pie then?” Dean wiggled his eyebrows, earning a laugh.

“I’m telling mom.” Jo pointed at him as she walked behind the bar, “We only have apple and cherry right now, which ones?”

“Um how about two apple and one cherry?” Dean smiled widely as she boxed up the slices of pie. “See ya next time, Jo.”

Jo smiled fondly, “Enjoy your sword fighting.”

Dean exited the bar still laughing, earning a frown from Nick. “What’s so funny?”

Dean looked over at Nick, _pretty sure this guy said he was straight…_ “Nothing, inside joke.” _He wouldn’t get the joke anyway._

Turns out, Cas didn’t need too much coaxing to take a break and eat. He climbed right down and pulled off his bandana, his smile was almost like their conversation less than an hour ago didn’t even happen. “Back already, _pretty?_ And what the hell? Are you two friends now?”

Dean goes to explain how they ran into each other but Nick jumps on the opportunity, “Friends-besties, actually.”

Rolling his eyes, Cas reached for the box and peaked inside. “Wow, how much do I owe you?” Cas asked looking at Nick.

“Nothing, Dean here is friends with the owner so we got a deal. I’m just proud of you for earning some legit money, motivated me to find a real job too, so this is our little celebration. I start on Monday.”

“Where at?” Cas asked with a smile, genuinely happy for Nick.

“I’m not telling you, you’ll want discounts and shit.” Nick teased. Cas shrugged and pulled out his burger to take a bite.

Dean watched Cas eat with a smile. He was worried he’d be too high to eat actual food but he was _inhaling_ his burger. “Save room for pie.” Dean said, before taking a bite of his own burger.

“There’s pir?” Cas mumbled with his mouth full. _Pir?_ Dean laughed, knowing Cas meant pie.

“Yup, three slices.” Dean took another bite, unable to fight his smile.

All three men ate happily, bantering in between bites. After they finished their burgers, Dean pulled out the pies.

“Alright I have two apple and one cherry, fight it amongst yourselves, I’m not pie picky.”

Nick grabbed the cherry, “I’m the older brother, I pick the cherry.”

Cas frowned. He actually liked apple pie all the same but he just didn’t want Nick to get it, before he can pull the _I’m working_ or _I’m the baby_ card, Dean snatched the box back from Nick. “Cas gets it just for that lame older brother card usage.” Dean handed Cas the box with a smile.

A grin spread across Cas’ face as he stared into Dean’s eyes and Nick scoffed, “Bet if you were trying to get in _my_ pants you’d let me have it.”

Dean rolled his eyes, “No, not at all. You just need to use the big brother card in better circumstances, you’re making us look bad.”

“Yeah sure Dean... _yet_.” Nick turns to grab his soda off the car, smiling as Dean blushes.

Cas frowned in confusion with a small smile on his lips as he watched their banter. “So what, you two have like inside jokes now?”

“Dean has a few.” Nick chuckles as Dean’s blush darkened.

“Hey you wanna walk home?” Dean retorted with a scoff.

“No actually, the burgers were your idea, I’m too full to walk now. You’re driving.” Nick began enjoying his pie.

Cas took a bite and moaned, “Shit this is amazing, what’s the diners name?”

“Roadhouse. Everything is good there too, you’ll have to try the steaks one day. The owners are basically family.” Dean took a bite and smiled. “All the pie is amazing there but that cherry is the best.”

Cas smiled and held it out, “Want a bite?”

Dean was tempted, hell if Nick wasn’t here he probably would have. “Nah, enjoy Cas. You earned it.”

Cas licked his lips and took another bite. “Thanks.” A small drop of cherry filling was on Cas’ lips and Dean fought the urge to lick it off. Cas’ lips looked _soft,_ and Dean couldn’t help but be drawn to them.

So he reached out to wipe it off with his thumb, it was as if his hand had a mind of its own. “You’re a mess.” He teased, eyes locked with Cas’.

“Geez! I’m walking home. Get a room guys.” Nick turned to gather his stuff.

Dean wiped his thumb on his jeans and straightened up. “I’ll drive you. What time are you heading home Cas? I can give you a ride.” Dean made sure not to look at Cas as he packed up all their garbage.

“I don’t know, I don’t even know what time it is right now I just paint until I can’t hold my arms up.” Cas turned to look at the wall.

“How about sunset?” Dean offered and Cas shrugged.

“Okay, thanks for food.” Cas put the pie box in the garbage bag and took another drink of water. “See you later.” Cas was probably speaking to them both, but Dean noticed Cas’ eyes were on him.

“Alright, see you at sunset, Cas.” Dean tossed the bag in the backseat and climbed in Baby. “Let’s go Nick, I have some patrolling to do around your neighborhood anyway.” Dean stole one last glance at Cas before putting the car in reverse.

Cas was momentarily distracted after they left, he couldn’t stop trying to figure out Dean’s angle. _Why is he bringing him lunch and riding around with his brother? What game is he playing?_ He needed to stop thinking about Dean and focus.

Cas took another Adderall and got back to work.


	9. Chapter 9

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Are we ready for some smut?

By the time Dean returned, the sun was setting and Cas had already packed up and was sliding on his backpack, ready to start his walk home. He smiled widely and climbed in the front seat of Baby.

“Didn’t think you were coming.” Cas licked his lips, visibly checking Dean out. “You really need to let me give you a _proper…_ thank you.”

Dean rolled his head, not his eyes, his entire head as he put the car in reverse. Cas laughed, _that wasn’t a no_.

Dean heads in the direction of Cas’ house, “Left here, right?” Dean asked, as if he doesn’t remember. The shitty part is, Cas doesn’t even respond. He knows Dean knows where he lives and saw right through him.

When Dean pulled into the driveway he put the car in park and turned to face Cas, his leg up on the seat. He started mumbling some bullshit on how proud he is of Cas for sticking to legal walls and _blah blah…_ Cas doesn’t hear him. Instead, Cas felt the unspoken tension and noticed the welcoming gesture of Dean turning to face him.

Castiel slid his tongue across his lips, watching Dean like prey and when their eyes locked, Cas’ cock twitched in his jeans, making them feel tighter. Like the asshole he is, he doesn’t hide it. He palmed his semi, still watching Dean’s face, vaguely aware that Dean hadn’t said a word in over a minute.

 _Fuck it._ Cas crawled over and pulled at Dean’s pants, fumbling with his zipper.

Dean hesitated, he shouldn’t do this. But technically he isn’t doing anything… just not stopping something being done to him… right?

“Casss…” Dean hissed out, searching for the willpower to stop this wild, gorgeous man.

“Shhh.” Cas whispered as he tugged Dean’s zipper open and reached inside, pleasantly surprised he wasn’t the only one hard at this point and even more surprised at Dean’s size. Cas pulled Dean out of his boxers and looked into his eyes, “If we don’t talk about it, it never happened.” He whispered as he lowered himself into Dean’s lap.

Before Dean can pounder Cas’ statement, Cas licked up his shaft slowly, making Dean release a very manly whimper at the soft wetness of Cas’ expert tongue. _Fuck, I should stop him. I can be fired for this. Why can’t I fucking stop him?_ Dean’s inner turmoil was cut short when Cas slid his entire length down his throat without a flinch. _Holy fuck_.

“Cas… don’t… stop.” Well that came out wrong, it sounded an awful lot like Dean told him not to stop when really he was trying to tell him _don’t_ and _stop_. Dean’s biggest mistake, was glancing down.

Cas’ lips spread over Dean’s throbbing cock ha him reaching out to grip Cas’ messy hair. Some small voice in the back of Dean’s mind is yelling, _get it together Winchester. Stop him!_ But that voice was muffled, sounding almost underwater, and at this point, Dean would tell that voice to fuck off.

His breathing is erratic, he’s gripping Cas’ hair so hard a normal person would be complaining, but not Cas. Cas is relishing the pull, moaning when Dean tugs him up and down his length. “Cas..” Dean choked out, “close.”

Hoping to give Cas enough warning, Dean released his hair, except Cas doesn’t move away. He sucked even _hungrier_ , bobbing and slurping like Dean’s come was his last meal.

Dean gripped the seat and the steering wheel as he groaned loudly, releasing months of tension down this beautiful man’s throat. Cas moaned happily as he swallowed every drop, slowing down as he sucked Dean through his orgasm.

When Cas popped off, he gazed at Dean through hooded eyelids, his pupils blown with lust. “Fucking delicious, sweetheart.” Cas’ voice is hoarse from the blowjob but he sounds pleased and the praise from Cas sent a chill up Dean’s spine.

Dean looking completely fucked out right now had Cas about to come in his pants. _What’s more embarrassing than coming in thirty seconds while someone watches you jack off? Coming in your damn pants before you even touch your dick._

Cas spat out a “ _fuck it_ ” as he pulled out his own cock, stroking himself, his eyes locked with Dean’s.

Dean just watched wide eyed, unable to look away. _Fuck, Cas has a big dick,_ He couldn’t help but to think about how it’s completely hard… all for _him_. He noticed how turned on Cas was, and knowing it was from sucking him off made his dick twitch, already craving more.

Dean can tell when Cas is close, his eyes were closed, his chest was rising and falling as his hand sped up. Dean licked his lips and his body wanted to reach out but his mind kept him frozen in place. With a voice that didn’t sound like his, Dean spoke for the first time since Cas started jacking off. “Cas…” Cas’ eyes shot open and locked with Dean’s again, his bottom lip between his teeth. “Cas, come for me.”

With a gurgled _fuck_ , Cas came.

And fuck… it was beautiful.

Cas threw his head back as he painted his hand white, over and over making deep, arousing “ah” noises with each squirt of come. Cas was an artist, even as he orgasmed and Dean was too debauched to care about _anything_ else, especially the mess they both just made in his precious Baby. He’d apologize to her later.

Cas’ hips moved in small circles as he stroked himself through his orgasm. Dean was finally able to think clearly enough to fix his own pants as Cas wiped his hand on his jeans and slid his cock in his boxers. Cas huffed a laugh, and reached over to lift Dean’s gaze to meet his. “See you around, Officer.” Cas blew Dean a kiss with a smack of his lips and climbed out of the car, without a single look back.

_Sonofabitch!_

**********

“You’ve got to be fucking kidding me!” Nick was sitting on the couch when Cas walked inside, grinning. Taking in the sight of his little brother, Nick shook his head. “Knew it was going to happen, you never quit huh, Cassie?”

Cas doesn’t respond, he told Dean they wouldn’t talk about it, so he won’t.

Still smiling, Cas made his way inside and laughed at what he saw in the mirror. His hair was sticking up where Dean had his iron like grip and you can almost _see_ his hand print. His shirt was wrinkled by his stomach and his jeans had a come spot from where he wiped his hand. _Oops_.

Cas brushed his teeth and jumped in the shower, thinking of Dean the entire time.

Dean on the other hand was completely spaced out the entire drive home, surprised when he pulled into his garage so quickly. On autopilot, Dean walked inside and instantly jumped in the shower. _What did I just do?_

Images of Cas looking up from his lap flood his mind and Dean closed his eyes to force the thoughts away but his dick was already looking for Cas. _Goddammit!_

Dean rushed his shower, _I just need to go to sleep and when I wake up tomorrow, it will be as if it never happened._

As Dean dressed, his phone chimed, causing him to freeze. _Would it be Cas? Does he want more too?_ “Oh yeah sure Winchester, you’re really bringing your _A_ ideas today.” Dean said aloud to himself. “Of course the criminal wants more, when’s the fucking wedding?!” His tone is bitter and he walked over to his phone with a frown.

Dean’s jaw fell open at the message on his phone. It wasn’t Cas... it was fucking Nick.

_**N- Yet** _

“Fuck!!”


	10. Chapter 10

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Trigger warning for overdose in this chapter, sorry 😭

Dean managed to avoid Cas for weeks.

Cas texted the day after they, well... you know and it was just a _hey officer_ text that Dean didn’t feel comfortable responding to. He went about his day, refusing to feel bad for ignoring Cas.

Cas didn’t text again.

Dean struggled with whether he should be offended by this. On one hand, he didn’t want him to text. Talking to Cas would just make what happened more real. And on the second hand, Cas just sucked his dick and went on with his life like nothing. Did it mean _anything_ to him?

It was hard to keep away, Dean would find himself driving on autopilot towards Cas’ mural when on patrol and have to snap out of it and turn down a different street. He would even drive Cas’ surrounding neighborhoods hoping he would see Cas, while simultaneously hoping he _wouldn’t_ see him.

Just before he hit three weeks without seeing or talking to Cas, he texted.

_**C- Could relly use one of yer memorable rides home today ;)** _

Dean shook his head. The asshole was high as a kite and _now_ he tried to get ahold of Dean? What was he looking for, a bootycall? _Fuck that_ , Dean never responded.

Three days later, while sitting on his couch, Dean got a text from Nick.

_**N- I don’t know what is going on between you and Cassie but have you seen him?** _

_**N- Please tell me he’s with you.** _

Dean stared at his phone confused, _why would Nick ask if Cas was here?_

_**D- No. Why would he be with me? I haven’t seen Cas in a couple weeks. What’s up?** _

_**N- He’s missing. It’s been three days, I think the oxy is getting worse, he wasn’t like this when it was just Adderall.** _

_**D- Fuck. I’m on my way** _

Luckily, Dean was off today and able to just hop in the car and drive over. When he pulled up at their house, Dean looked at the last text from Cas, _three days ago. Fuck! Cas was high and asking for a ride and I fucking ignored him. He could be dead somewhere right now._ Dean felt a chill.

The walk up to the door was done in a haze as guilt pooled in his stomach. Nick opened the door before Dean could even knock.

“Were you going to sit out here all day?” Nick asked abrasively while holding the door open and ushering Dean inside.

“I was just checking my messages. So, why did you assume he was with me? I don’t know what Cas told you but nothing happened.” Dean lied, why did he lie? Why was that important right now?

Nick huffed a laugh and ran a hand through his hair, making Dean think of Cas. “He didn’t tell me anything, I just assumed. And when you didn’t text back I felt my assumptions were correct.”

 _So, Cas never told anyone. Not even his brother._ That guilt grew heavier. Dean had spent all those weeks, ignoring Cas, thinking he was telling everyone when in truth, he didn’t even tell his own brother.

“Oh.” Was all Dean thought to say.

Nick shook his head, “It doesn’t matter, I don’t care if you guys did or didn’t do anything. I just want to know that he is alive.” Dean saw the worry in Nick’s eyes and wondered how he would feel if he thought something had happened to Sam. He _had_ to help.

“Where does he go to score or whatever?” Dean asked, turning on his inner cop.

“Probably with Meg or Balt but _both_ of them said they haven’t seen him in three days either. They could be lying but if they are telling the truth then where the _fuck_ would he be? Cas may party occasionally but he never stays the night after and surely not three nights. He didn’t even take his backpack or his sketchpad.” Nick walked over holding out the pad for Dean. “He _never_ goes anywhere without it.”

Dean reached for the pad and opened it. He couldn’t help but smile, Cas’ art was _beyond_ beautiful. But Dean also knew this didn’t look good. Cas _always_ had this sketchpad, even Dean knew that.

“Alright let’s go drive around.” Dean put that guilt inside a little box and flipped the switch back to officer mode.

After an hour of driving around Dean decided to check these so-called _friends_ of Castiel out. They _had_ to know something.

“He texted me you know.” Dean said out of the blue and Nick turned to look at him. “It was three days ago. I should have responded.”

“Wait you didn’t even respond? What did he say?” With a frown on his face, Nick stared at Dean.

Dean sighed, Nick was about to flip. “He asked for a ride.”

Nick’s jaw dropped. “Let me get this straight. My little brother reached out asking for a ride, which we both know he _never_ does right? Yeah, exactly, know how I know? Cas never asks _anyone_ for a ride, even in the rain. Yet, he asked _you_ and you didn’t even fucking respond?!” Nick’s chest is rising and falling quickly from his anger. “Cool. So, my brother is probably dead in a fucking ditch right now. Thanks _cop_.”

Dean couldn’t help but feel he deserved that, even if the visual made him flinch. Finding Cas dead was _not_ something Dean was ready to consider.

They didn’t talk anymore on the matter, and that was probably best. When they pulled up to Meg’s house, Dean broke the silence. “Look, when we find him, how about he comes and stays with me? I can help him get clean. I helped my dad dry up, a _few_ times actually and this is no different.”

Nick was still frowning, “Why would you do that for him?” Dean can see Nick’s face soften, “Because something _did_ happen. Huh, Dean?”

“I just want to help.” Dean got out of the car before Nick could say anything else and made his way to the door. Nick followed suit.

Meg knew it was either Nick or Dean pounding on her door but she was shocked to see both, “Wow, this is a shocker. Let me guess, you want me to give up Cas?”

Meg had left the chain on so the most Dean could get inside the door was the tip of his boot. “Open the damn door, we know he’s here.”

“And how would you guys _know_ that, hmm?” Meg was taunting them, standing there in her fucking underwear, trying to give the impression that her and Cas had slept together.

Dean really hoped they hadn’t. He stared her down trying to will her to open the door. Meg glared daggers are the two men, clearly not ready to give up her prize. Dean gave her an ultimatum, “Bring Cas out here and I _won’t_ get a warrant for suspected kidnapping.”

Cas’ mumbling, what sounded like “ _Dean_ ” broke through the silence.

“Open the door or I will kick this fucker in Meg.” Dean’s voice is like ice and when she doesn’t budge, Dean stepped back and kicked it with the heel of his boot, not caring when the door flew open, hitting Meg in the face.

“What the fuck!!” Meg gripped her cheek, anger in her eyes.

“Told you to open the fucking door.” Dean steps around her without a second glance and approaches Cas on the couch. “Cas, hey, Cas.” Dean slaps Cas’ pale cheek softly and rolls Cas on his side to check his vitals, his heart rate is slow and when Cas doesn’t respond, Dean opens his eyelids to check his pupils. “He’s fucking overdosing what the fuck did he take?” Dean looks up at Meg with pure rage in his eyes and for a brief moment, he wished he wasn’t a cop.

Meg finally showed emotion, “Just oxy, we smoked it but I think he snorted some before we smoked. I was just letting him sleep it off.”

Nick ran over to look at his baby brother’s limp body, terror in his blue eyes. “Dean what should-”

“Just hold the door for me.” Dean scooped up Cas, carrying him out to his car. “I can get us there faster than the ambulance can even get here.” Dean set Cas in the backseat gently, not able to understand whatever Cas was mumbling to him.

Dean jumped in Baby, letting Meg know, “this isn’t over” before peeling off.

The good part about being a cop in this small town is everyone knows you and when a cop as loved as Dean Winchester comes running in the hospital with a limp body, screaming for help, everyone jumps to his aid.

They had Cas in a room and Naloxone in his system within minutes.

<<<<<<<<<<>>>>>>>>>>

_Three days prior_

Cas opened the door and sighed, “What do _you_ two want?” He said with a grin, letting Balt and Meg inside.

“Coming to get you out of the house. You just sitting here drawing?” Meg picked up the sketch pad on the table and checked out the skull he was working on. “I’ll need this for my binder Cas, people would go crazy for this one.”

Castiel shrugged, “Alright. Where we going?” He pulled on his chucks and a black hoodie.

“Let’s just pop these and see where they take us?” Balt said, handing Cas two Oxy as they walked out the door.


	11. Chapter 11

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry this chapter is a day late, haven’t been feeling well. Hope you all enjoy. ❤️

Castiel awoke in the hospital, handcuffed to the bed. _Fucking great._

Taking in his surroundings, Cas groaned, his head was _pounding._ “Why is it so fucking bright?!” Cas put a hand over his eyes.

“Because it's daytime, in the middle of the week. You going to nap until sunset?” _Great, fucking cop is here,_ Cas wasn’t in the mood for banter.

“Why are _you_ even here?” Cas asked, after a deep sigh.

“He’s why you’re alive Cassie.” _Nick!_

“Fuck you, didn’t know we were calling the cops on each other now, _brother.”_ Cas didn’t bother to look at the men, he kept his hand over his eyes, blocking out the sunlight. 

Nick tossed his hands up in exasperation, this was unfortunately what he expected. “I don’t care if you hate me forever, at least you’re fucking alive!”

Cas finally took his hand away to look at his brother. “Stop being dramatic, bringing me to the hospital was fucking overkill, I could have slept it off.” 

“No, Cas. Not this time. When did you start smoking oxy?” Dean asked, clearly over Cas’ bullshit.

“Don’t patronize me Dean. Why am I handcuffed, am I under arrest?” Cas was worried, he really didn’t want to go to jail again.

“Not right now, listen Cas, you have two choices okay, you can sign yourself up for detox or you can come to my house and do it.” Dean refused to give Cas another option.

“Why the fuck are those my only options? Who the fuck put you in charge?” Cas turned to Nick with a betrayed look in his eyes.

“You can try to manipulate your brother, Cas but I know the tricks. So what’s it gonna be?”

Nick stood up and walked outside motioning for Dean to follow, “Are these really our _only_ options? We can’t afford detox and I think this was a one time thing.”

“Look, I’m gonna sound like a dick but it’s because I care. You thinking it was a _one time thing_ is how Cas landed here. He needs _help_ Nick. From someone who _doesn’t_ just see their baby brother. Trust me, I know this is a shit hand but it’s the only way. If Cas chooses detox I’ll foot the bill.”

Cas couldn’t understand whatever they were saying and got annoyed, “How about you both come back in here and stop acting like I’m not a grown ass man that can make my own choices.” 

Dean walked back in, “Start acting like one then. So which is it? 72 hours of detox or my place?”

“Or... what? Jail?” Cas stared into Dean’s stern gaze. 

“No, _those_ are your only two options. I mean, we could have a judge place you on a psychiatric hold but at the end of the day it’s still detox. Not to mention, the Judge is on my Christmas card list.” 

“You.... fuck! This is fucked up, I was _fine._ Who the fuck is paying this medical bill anyhow?” Cas attempted to pull his iv out.

Dean struggled to stay calm. It was one thing when he dealt with this at work but this was _Cas._ He knew him and cared for him. It took all his strength not to break down and beg Cas to listen to reason. “I wouldn’t do that. I hear the nurses here like restraining out of control patients. Don’t worry about the bill. Make your choice because when I walk out that door, the offer goes too.”

Cas turned to Nick. “You can go.” The hurt is apparent in Nick’s eyes but with a shake of his head, he leaves. 

Cas waited for Nick to leave before turning back to Dean. “Fine I’ll go with you. When can we leave?” 

“Don’t be so hard on Nick. He was freaking out the whole time we were looking for you. And if you hadn’t gone on a little _binge,_ he wouldn’t have had to call me. So don’t be a dick, Cas.”

Cas tilted his head at Dean. “He call the cops or he just call you? And it wasn’t a binge, I just lost count.” 

“Uh huh. That’s a new one. _Totally_ never heard that before. And he just called me you jackass so your first step is apologizing.”

Cas rolled his eyes, “Fuck that guy. Can we go?” Cas moved his legs, only to discover his catheter, “What the fuck did they do to my dick!?” 

Dean had to bite back a smile. “Made some improvements maybe? Shut up and sit still while I wave down a nurse.” Dean stood out in the hallway a moment before coming back. 

“You think I need improvements? Because I think yours should stay just how it is.” Cas locked eyes with Dean as the nurse walks in the room. 

Cas broke their gaze, “Can you pull this straw out of my cock please? Pretty boy can stay in the room though.” Cas nodded at Dean with a grin.

Dean rolled his eyes but on the inside, he was glad Cas was getting back to his sassy self. The truth he didn’t want to admit was that he had been terrified until the moment Cas started shamelessly flirting again. He cared more for him than he could ever allow himself to show.

The discharge paperwork took a couple hours and Dean still had to use his _cop card_ to get Cas released early to him. Of course, Dean searched Cas’ bag the second they walked in his house, instantly finding one of Cas’ pill bottles and went straight to the bathroom to flush them with Cas right behind him, “That’s really bad for the environment you know. You’re supposed to turn them in or some shit or just let me have them so I can taper off.” _Worth a shot._

Dean made a _pfft_ noise before pouring them down the toilet. “Nice try.”

“I wasn’t lying. That’s probably against the law, _officer.”_ Cas rolled his eyes and walked back to _his_ room with Dean right on his heels. “What you dumped everything?” He lied.

“Sure I did, give me the bag.” Dean snatched it back to continue his search, finding another bottle and shaking the bottle towards Cas aggressively. “That’s what I thought.”

Cas plopped on the bed and watched Dean look through the rest of his bag. He didn’t find everything, but it was a good effort and Dean finally left the room with a satisfied look on his face. 

Staring at the ceiling, Cas thought about the last few days with Meg and decided he definitely went too far. 

That isn’t who he wants to be. 

He won’t do this Dean’s way though, Cas still believed he had this under control and didn’t need a babysitter to get clean. He will wean himself off the pills at his own pace. Starting with the Adderall. 

Those withdrawals are a bitch but nothing compared to the withdrawal he was about to start feeling from the Oxy. He can already feel the cold sweat all over his body and the familiar dry cough he’s dealt with in the past after a day without pills, but that’s only the beginning stage, he’s never had to go past that. Because he isn’t an addict… right?


	12. Chapter 12

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Some Destiel progress in this chapter but warning for slightly detailed drug usage.

Castiel can hear Dean was in the kitchen and snuck in his backpack, pulling out his pencil case and then the napkin inside of it. Cas used his pocket knife to cut the few pills in half, swallowed a half of each and then hid the rest back inside his backpack, before pacing the room, wishing he railed them instead. 

He decided to go out and talk to Dean, since the walls of his room were already closing in. “Can we go by my house for clothes and shit?” He asked, jumping up and sitting on Dean’s kitchen counter. 

“Really? Just going to plop your ass wherever you please?” Dean looked at Cas and can see he’s already feeling the withdrawals, he’s fidgeting worse than Dean had ever seen him before. “You okay, Cas?” Dean stopped what he was doing by the stove to walk closer.

Cas ignored the comment on where he was sitting and cut to the chase, “This is me.” Cas motioned to himself. “Now you see why my own dad couldn’t stand me. Am I making you uncomfortable too, Dean?”

Dean can tell Cas felt defensive and decided to tread lightly, “No, Cas. Not uncomfortable, just worried about you.”

Cas huffed a laugh, “Yeah, okay. And why is that? Why would you ever give a fuck about me? I’m not from your world Dean, we may as well speak different languages.” 

“Shut up, Cas. You don’t know shit about the world I come from.” Dean suddenly felt defensive as well. 

“I don’t? Let me paint a picture, abusive dad? Probably an alcoholic or some kind of addict. Relied on you way too much at a young age, making you grow up faster than any other kid. You probably did most of your brother's raising, right? Was your mother an addict too? Is this some self righteous mission to save someone when you couldn’t save your own parents?” Cas realized he went too far the second Dean’s hands tightened into fists at his side and he awaited the blow that never came.

“My mother died when I was four, so why don’t you go fuck yourself, _Castiel.”_ Dean stormed out of the kitchen, not bothering to turn off the stove.

Cas hopped off the counter and turned off the flame, he didn’t have a clue what Dean was trying to cook so he didn’t attempt to help, just walked over to take more pills and then sat on the couch.

 _Fuck. Why did I go so far?_ Cas ran a hand through his hair. _That_ isn’t who he wants to be either. He planned on apologizing once Dean had some time to cool down but before he knew it, the pills kicked in and he was feeling much better. Cas’ eyes fluttered closed as his body began to _finally_ relax. 

Dean laid on his bed and stared at the ceiling. _That didn’t even sound like Cas._ Dean’s had his fair share of withdrawing perpetrators and they _always_ got mean and aggressive. He’s been called every name in the book so why did _this_ hurt so much? _Maybe because he was 99% right?_ Dean thought to himself. “Fuck.” He sighed and made his way back to the living room. 

“Hey Cas, I-” Dean stopped when he saw Cas asleep on his couch and watched him a moment, thinking of how innocent he looked while sleeping but then realized Cas isn’t asleep, he’s fucking high. “Cas!” Dean nudged his leg with his foot and the amount of time it takes Cas to respond tells Dean all he needs to know. “Where the fuck are they?” Dean started looking in Cas’ pockets.

“Stop.” Cas pushed at Dean’s hands, “Just a little bit for the pain Dean.” 

“Pain? What pain Cas?” Shaking his head, Dean gives up on the body search and decided to check the backpack again. He had to have missed something.

“The pain of life.” Cas mumbled, causing Dean to freeze. 

“Life?” Dean asks, trying to understand what Cas is saying.

“Yes. Life. When does it stop hurting? When does it get easier?” Cas’ eyes closed again and Dean noticed he wasn’t fidgeting anymore. 

“Cas, are you going to OD again?” 

“No. Just took a half.” Cas lied and Dean took a seat next to Cas on the couch, it was obviously more than a half. 

“Life never stops hurting when we’re alive and when it does, we’re dead.” Beating around the bush has never been one of Dean’s strong points.

“Then why try anymore?” Cas asked, rubbing on his arms like he was cold.

Dean got up to grab a blanket and tossed it on Cas. The smile that crept on his face only annoyed him further. “Why wouldn’t you try, Cas? What’s so hard about being _Castiel Novak?”_

Cas opened his eyes slowly to look at Dean and get a better read of him. “Because this is all I am and I’ll never be anything more. You should find someone new to give your energy to Dean, I don’t deserve you or your time.” Cas curled up in the blanket and laid his head back.

“Cas, why would you ever think you’d never be more? In just this time I’ve known you, I’ve seen you grow so much. You’re having a hard time right now, but I want to help. _Let me help you.”_ Dean chose his next words carefully. “You were right, my dad _was_ an alcoholic and I did raise Sammy and as you said, I did fail to help my dad.” Dean paused to run a hand down his face. He couldn’t even believe he was opening himself up to Cas in this way, he’s only told one other person about his childhood before and that was Charlie. 

“But that isn’t why I want to help you, or at least it’s not the only reason. I want to help you because I really like you. You’re…” Dean glanced over at Cas and sighed, he was definitely asleep this time. “I don’t know what I’m doing Cas.” Dean ran a hand down his face again and closed his eyes with another sigh. “What the fuck am I doing?” 

**********

The next morning, Dean woke up stiff from the couch. “Ah fuck.” He grunted to himself, stretching out his neck. Glancing over at Cas, he had to smile, “Aww, look at the little angel.” 

Cas jerked up, looking around as if he had no idea where he was. “Oh shit, morning.” Cas ran a hand down his face. “I didn’t mean to crash on your couch.”

“It’s fine Cas, I actually crashed here too, unfortunately for my back.” Dean stood up to stretch. 

“Aw, so we slept together? Cute.” Cas smirks, even first thing in the morning, he's an ass. 

“No, we slept in the same space okay? Huge difference.” _Right?_

Cas smiled, “Doesn’t have to be a difference. Come sit on my lap pretty.” 

Dean rolled his eyes, “Yeah, not gonna happen, Cas.” 

Dean turned on his heels and went to his room. He couldn’t be in the same room with Cas right now, he was still too tired and may just end up on the damn guy’s lap.

The rest of the day was just as awkward. 

Dean stayed by Cas’ side to the point of being obnoxious. They went by the house and got some clothes and art stuff for Cas, Dean shadowing his every move to ensure he didn’t hide more pills. He did, but Dean didn’t catch it thanks to Cas’ weird hiding spots. 

When they finally got back to Dean’s, Castiel was completely flustered. “Jesus Dean, I can’t fucking breath with you up my ass! Can we get some damn lube at least?!”

“I thought you were a top?” Dean attempted to tease but it was very obvious Cas wasn’t in the mood. 

He ran a hand through his hair and growled, “Just back the fuck up okay! I’m here, I haven’t had any drugs today, I’m doing what _you_ want, just back up.”

“Oh yeah, and you’re so trustworthy huh?” Dean challenged.

“What are you hoping to gain here? Do you pick up a new stray every few months so you can feel good about yourself? Why the fuck do you care?!” 

“I DON’T FUCKING KNOW!” Dean yelled, fed up with that question. “I just do.”

“There is nothing special about me, Dean. I know how to draw, that’s it. That is the only thing worth a damn about me and even _that_ isn't worth fucking up your life. I don’t deserve your help, if you want to save someone so bad, find someone worthy.” The look in Castiel’s eyes was heartbreaking, he _truly_ believed he isn’t worth anything. 

“I don’t know what it is, Cas. But from the moment I saw you, I felt connected to you. And I know you felt it to, so don’t give me that _‘I just wanted to fuck a cop in a cop car’_ bullshit. You think I didn’t know that eye you drew on that wall was mine? How many hours did that take you, huh? How much sleep did you lose over it?” Dean paced, rubbing his face. He wasn’t ready to have this conversation, but he knew if he didn’t do something, Cas would never understand how much he’s really worth. “I cared about you before I even knew you had a habit _other_ than graffiti. It was your eyes, and the way you looked after Nick when you were barely able to look after yourself. Your attitude and passion when most people in your situation would fucking give up. I saw something in you worth saving, Cas, and you don’t get to sit there and fucking tell me I didn’t.” 

Castiel stood there frozen, completely speechless.

“I know you don’t handle compliments well, I don’t expect you to say anything. I ju-” Dean paused when Cas walked closer, surprised when he didn't stop at a reasonable distance. “Cas, personal space.” Dean waved a finger in the mere inches of space between them.

“You knew that was your eye?” Cas smiled for the first time all day, making Dean smile too. 

“Duh. You weren’t exactly James Bond about it.” Dean made the mistake of glancing at Cas’ plump lips and licked his own without thinking. 

Cas’ eyes darted down to Dean’s mouth and he watched his tongue swipe across his perfect bottom lip. Cas didn’t want to fight it anymore so he leaned in, gently touching their lips together for the first time. 

The kiss was slow and experimental but when Cas pulled away, Dean leaned forward for another and _this_ one, was much more heated. 

***********

 _Great. As if things weren’t complicated enough._ Dean laid in his bed, alone, contemplating the decisions that led him here. That was without a shadow of a doubt, the best kiss of his life. But what is he supposed to do with that? Cas is still an obnoxious asshat with a drug addiction. 

Running a hand down his face and rolled onto his side, _okay, I cannot fall for Cas._ He thought to himself, internally denying the fact that he _already_ had. 

Castiel on the other hand, isn’t thinking about the kiss. It’s on his mind, somewhere in there, but right now, all he felt was _withdrawal._

“Fuck… fuck…” Cas paced back and forth in Dean’s guest room. He _had_ pills. That wasn’t the problem. The problem was he was trying _not_ to take them. He really wanted to give this a try… but maybe cold turkey wouldn’t work. He was sweating and anxious, if only he had some weed, _that_ would help.

In the end, he caved, snorting half an Oxy to get some sleep. When he awoke a few hours later, he instantly took some Adderall and snorted the other half of Oxy, before laying back in bed, feeling like a failure.

The next day, Dean woke up around his usual time and called out of work, letting his sergeant know he would be taking a vacation this week. He was sure Cas would be pissed about having a _babysitter_ but Dean wasn’t dumb enough to leave some criminal in his house alone. He made coffee and watched the news, it wasn’t until noon that he started to get worried.

“Cas?” He knocked on the door. “Cas you okay?” Dean would have given him a moment if he asked but since Castiel didn’t even respond, Dean opened the door. “Cas.” He walked over and Cas was completely dead to the world. 

With a heavy sigh, Dean stared down at Cas. It was obvious he was loaded again, no one slept this hard under normal circumstances. His hair was matted to his forehead and those plump lips that were just on Dean’s yesterday, were slightly parted, his chest rising and falling in deep even breaths. “What am I supposed to do with you?” Dean took a chance and moved Castiel’s hair out of his face and when he didn’t even stir, Dean got a tight pain in his chest. He was falling for Cas, and Cas would _never_ feel the same. 

Dean would always be _second,_ to drugs.


	13. Chapter 13

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Chapter warning, withdrawal.

When Castiel awoke the next day, he convinced himself that was the last time he would cave. He got out of bed and made his way to the kitchen where Dean was cooking and set all his pills on the counter. They locked eyes a moment, both unsure of the right thing to say, but their gaze spoke volumes. 

When Dean approached, Cas flinched. The demon on his shoulder instantly wanted to grab them and take back this stupid gesture of peace. Dean must have noticed because he treaded lightly. “Is this what you want?” 

Cas continued to stare into the only eyes that ever saw anything in him and he nodded slowly. “I don’t… trust myself.” He admitted.

“I’m here, Cas. You can trust me.” 

He could. Something deep down told him that he could. But why was it so damn hard?

Dean could still feel his hesitation, “Have you taken any today?” 

Castiel shook his head no.

“Do you think you can go all day?”

He hesitated again and his eyebrows furrowed together before he nodded. 

“Good. I’ll be here all day, we can do whatever we need to keep you busy and if it is too hard, well… we’ll cross that bridge when we come to it.” Dean expected Cas to jump on the, _we can do whatever,_ comment and when he didn’t, it only cemented just how serious Castiel was about this. “You got this Cas. I know you got this.” Without thinking, he took Cas’ hands in his and could feel some of the tension release, just at the small amount of contact between them. “I’m here.”

“Thank you, Dean.” It felt so fucking pathetic to say, but he was still struggling with words. “Can you move them out of my sight please? Don’t tell me what you do with them, I’ll go shower.” Dean nodded and he turned to make his way to the bathroom. Cas could already feel the withdrawals and hoped a cold shower would help.

It didn’t. 

Within two hours, Cas had locked himself in the room, pacing the small quarters. He didn’t want Dean to see him this way but he also knew he couldn’t hide in here forever. Dean made him eat a bland breakfast after his shower and he could already imagine it coming back up when the real withdrawal started.

His body was already aching and he felt as though he was coming down with the flu, but he knew this was no flu.

_Knock knock._

“Cas? How are you doing?” 

A bitter laugh escaped his throat, “Fantastic.” He didn’t mean to sound like an asshole, but he was past the point of faux smiles. Cas walked over and opened the door.

Dean checked him out, noting the obvious changes in Cas and doing a mental checklist of the research he had done over the past few weeks. “Aches?” Cas nodded, surely biting back a sassy response. “I have some clonidine to help with the flu like symptoms but since they are just beginning now, we should wait as long as possible. Tomorrow will be worse.”

Cas huffed a laugh but he didn’t smile, “Did you google this?”

Dean did a gallic shrug hoping to get a smile out of Cas and was pleased to see those plump lips twitch slightly. “You mentioned keeping me busy?” Cas glanced at Dean’s mouth and Dean laughed for the first time all day. 

“I knew you were gonna go there.” He licked his lips and shook his head.

“I was meaning a movie, but I’m down for that too.” Cas was fully smiling now and fuck, it was beautiful.

“Shut up. One thing at a time, big boy.” Dean turned to make his way to the living room.

Cas followed, “But I’m a great multitasker.”

“Are you though?” Dean teased. 

“Yes actually, I struggle with focusing on _one_ thing. Not _many_ things.” Cas plopped on the couch. “Have you thought about it?” He changed the subject, and Dean was annoyed he knew exactly what Cas was talking about, though he wouldn’t show that.

“Think about what?” He busied himself grabbing the remote and turning on the tv. “Look it’s an Avengers marathon, it’s fate.”

“Don’t change the subject.” Cas was smiling but he was anything but relaxed. His leg was shaking and his hand was tapping the arm of the couch as he eyed Dean.

If he wasn’t visibly struggling, Dean wouldn’t bite, but Cas needed this distraction. “Yeah, of course I do.”

“Which part?” _Fucking asshat._ “My mouth around your cock? Or me staring into your eyes as I swallowed every single drop?”

Dean’s cock twitched and he almost had to adjust himself from Cas’ dirty words. “Both of those things, but that isn’t what I think of most.” _Two can play this game, buddy._

“No?” Cas tilted his head adorably and licked his lips. “Do tell.” His hand stopped tapping but his leg was still moving side to side as he listened intently.

“I think of you jacking off and coming more than anything.” Cas furrowed his brows and stopped moving completely. Dean bit back the smug smile threatening to form, it wasn’t often _he_ threw _Cas_ off his game.

“Why that?” He asked, genuinely curious.

Dean sighed, “Because it was fucking beautiful. Everything about you is art, Cas. Your drawings, your walk, your eyes, your voice, your hands, that fucking mouth. When you let go and came it was Page on a guitar man, fucking art.” They both chubbed up as he spoke.

“I really want to suck you off again.” Cas admitted but he didn’t make a move, and Dean was thankful. 

“Let’s get you better and we can do that and more.” Dean really wanted Cas clean before they did anything else, but he also knew he could never deny Cas.

“Sounds like a date.” Cas smiled and turned towards the tv.

_The Next Day_

“I can’t do it.” Castiel was nearly in tears. 

Dean could feel his own heart breaking at the sight. Cas looked small as he hugged his knees on the bathroom floor. “You can, Cas. You’re doing so well.

“Am I?!” His words sound harsh, but Dean surprisingly hasn’t taken any of it personal. 

“Yes.” Dean took another step forward, approaching him as if he were a wounded animal. “Yes, you are.” Even in the throes of withdrawal, Cas still looked adorable. The red ring around his eyes made the blue look that much more intense and his hair was literally committing crimes, hell, he looked beautifully broken. Dean took a seat next to him and felt his whole body relax when Cas leaned into him. “I’m here.”


	14. Chapter 14

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Cas is slowly getting there...

It took awhile for Dean to get Cas off the bathroom floor. They lost count of how many times he had puked, and Dean was happy to finally get some water in him. He led Cas to the couch and got him set up with a blanket and a bucket, turning on the TV so they could finish their Avengers marathon. 

Castiel was asleep before the end of the second movie and Dean realized he’d much rather be watching Cas sleep anyway. _Not creepy at all._ But he felt he should watch over him. 

He noticed Cas mumble something in his sleep and turned the TV off completely to listen. Dean walked over to kneel next to Cas’ head, none of it was audible but it sounded like he was calling to someone. 

Dean was worried this would happen. Cas was either hallucinating or about to have a night terror and Dean wasn’t sure which would be worse for him menatally. He reached out to move Cas’ hair off his clammy forehead and sighed. Dean wasn’t sure why, but he began to hum a lullaby his mom used to sing him and play with Cas’ unruly hair.

Cas mumbled and Dean leaned in closer to listen “... thank you, mom.” 

Dean froze, his heart breaking for Cas, but also relieved he wasn’t reliving some traumatic life event. It made him wonder what kind of mom Cas had and if she was anything like Mary - the type to sing to their children at night. 

When he woke up, he didn’t remember his dream and Dean decided he wouldn’t bring it up but while they ate dinner that evening, he decided to ask. “You never talk about your mom.” _Dumb way to open that door but whatever._

Cas glanced up from the soup he was very obviously forcing down. “Um… no I don’t.” He set his spoon. “To be fair, you don’t talk about yours either.

Dean nodded, “Valid point, I’ll go first. My mom’s name was Mary. She made a mean apple pie and used to sing me and Sammy a lullaby every night. She died in a fire when I was twelve.” He frowned and looked down, his appetite gone as well.

“I’m sorry. Mine died when I was fifteen.” Cas reached for Dean’s hand. “She was the lullaby type when I was young but not so much after I turned eight. She picked up a drug habit… go figure right?”

Dean stared down at their hands, a small smile on his lips. “Sorry about your mom, Cas. But don’t say go figure, this is just a bump in the road, you got this okay? Do you mind sharing how she died?”

Cas looked up, contemplating whether he should say anything, “She overdosed on heroin. That’s why I refused to try it, although I've had plenty of opportunities to.”

Dean wasn’t sure how to respond. He had a time not long ago, where he followed in John’s footsteps with the bottle so he definitely wasn’t judging Cas for falling down a familiar path of addiction. Dean thought about how Nick had been reacting to Cas these past couple months and realized how good of a brother he was. He never mentioned their mother, but it made sense why Nick took a chance with a cop. He cared more about Cas’ survival than whether Cas would ever talk to him again, and it made Dean want to help bring them back together.

_One Week Later_

It was a rough week, but Castiel pulled through and Dean felt as though the blue in his eyes shone brighter with each passing sober day. Cas had relapsed again on day two, but he instantly ran into Dean’s room to confess. As upset as he was, he didn’t show Cas. Relapses were bound to happen and Dean knew that when he signed up for this, but Cas had been so strong since that bump in the road. 

Dean was finding it harder and harder to deny Cas’ passes. Even on his hardest day, Cas still managed to try and get in Dean’s pants at least once. Dean had wanted to wait until Cas was completely sober and although today was only day three of actual sobriety, Dean was ready to cave, he _had_ to find a distraction.

“Wanna go for a run?”

“Look, Hermione. I’m too drained for your overachieving bullshit.”

Dean looked at him amused. “So, you hadn’t seen any of the Marvels before you came here but you know Harry Potter?” 

“No actually, I just remember Hermione. I remember all the boys having a crush on her and I didn’t, which only made me realize just how _gay_ I was.” Cas shrugged and laid down on the couch. 

But Dean wasn’t about to let this go. “Wait, so if you didn’t have a crush on Hermione, who _did_ you have a crush on?”

“Fuck off, Dean.”

“Oh my god, _Harry?_ Seriously Cas?”

“Look I was eight. I had a thing for glasses. Don’t judge.” 

“Hey man, no judgement here, dumbledork.” Dean was failing to bite back his smile.

“I don’t understand that reference.” 

“You will. Once we finish the last two Avengers, it’s time for Hogwarts.” 

Cas rolled his eyes with a small grin. “Fine. How many are there?” 

“Eight.” 

“Okay how about this... One Harry Potter movie a day, by the time we finish, I’ll be eleven days sober and we can finally fuck. Deal?”

Dean rolled his eyes back, “We’ll see.” He paused dramatically and once again, tried really hard not to smile. “Probably.”

**********

It had taken a few days to find an opportunity to sit outside and talk to Nick. Cas didn’t know, and seeing as he still rolled his eyes at the mention of the word _brother,_ he wasn’t sure when he’d be ready to talk to Nick. But Nick was going to have to be the one to extend the olive branch, he was the older brother, and that came with certain responsibilities. At least in Dean’s mind.

“Hey, Nick. How‘s it going?” Dean sat down on the porch and ran a hand down his face. 

“I should be asking you that. Took you long enough to call.”

Dean scoffed. “I’ve been taking care of your hard-headed brother. Who happens to be five days sober.”

Nick was silent for several long moments, but not even the pause could stop his voice from cracking. He’d been down this road enough with his brother to be skeptical, but there had always been something different about how he reacted to Dean. “Seriously? Five days, completely sober? No pills, no booze, no weed?”

“Nothing. Although he did have a compelling argument for weed. I... we thought it was best if he got completely sober first. Spoiler alert, he’s still a snarky asshat.” Dean was happy no one could see his dumb grin. “Have you tried to reach out?”

Nick shook his head a little and tried to sound nonchalant, but the truth was that the last several days had killed him not being able to talk to his brother. “Nah, figured he’d have a better shot if I wasn’t up his ass, and I guess I was right.” Another silence. “Maybe I should though. He know you called me?”

Dean paused, “Uh, no. He’s in the shower. You should call or at least text. Let him know you haven’t forgot him.”

“He knows he’s unforgettable, little shit makes it his life mission. I will though, and uhh... yeah. Thanks... you didn’t have to do this and you did, so...” Nick trailed off, clearly not accustomed to actual gratitude.

Dean shrugged even though no one could see him, “Don’t mention it. You’re right, he is unforgettable. I’m happy I was able to help and that he was even open to it.”

“I gotta ask. Did you fuck him? Just wanna know how insufferable he’s gonna be if you didn’t. Or, if you did. Shit, nevermind. It doesn’t matter, he’s gonna be a pain in the ass either way. I’ll call him. Thanks.” Nick hung up before Dean could get another word in. 

Dean sent him a text, knowing damn well he shouldn’t. 

**Dean: No we haven’t.**

_Yet._

**********

Unfortunately, the sex didn’t happen. They didn’t even make it to the Order of the Phoenix, before Nick was asking Cas to come home. Which _was_ Dean’s goal… sort of. He wanted the brothers to work it out but he didn’t want Cas to leave and as soon as they made up, Cas was in his room packing up all his shit. 

The second the front door closed, Dean felt an emptiness. This wasn’t just some hero complex, he had actually begun to… no, Dean had _already_ fallen for Cas. He couldn’t deny it anymore, not that he even had the strength to. Once again, Dean was alone. He walked over to Cas’ bed and climbed inside, smiling sadly, surrounded by Cas’ scent.


	15. Chapter 15

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The boys are apart, but they both realize something very important.

The fact that a month went by and Cas heard from Dean twice confirmed his suspicions that Dean had a hero complex. Cas wasn’t special and as much as he didn’t want that to bother him, it did. He was still sober, if you didn’t count edibles - which he didn’t. They kept him from being embarrassingly fidgety and that was enough. 

He didn’t realize the toll that pills had been taking on his body at the time, but since he’d been sober, he had noticed a change in his health. Nothing noticeable to others, but he could feel it and it felt fucking good. 

Physically, Cas was feeling great. Mentally, he was getting there. But emotionally, he felt a void since the day he left Dean’s house and although that void made him quieter, he was still an ass - if you asked Nick.

His art had changed as well, he of course saw every flaw, but Nick seemed to like it. 

Nick leaned over his shoulder and hummed. “How many shades of green do you need? I think the other colors feel left out.”

Castiel rolled his eyes and ripped the page out, crumbling it with a glare. “Whole thing was shit anyway.”

“No, it wasn’t. Honestly, it was some of your best work.” Nick leaned against the table and crossed his arms. “I’ve been telling you to use more colors for years, I’m glad to see you’re finally doing it.”

Cas sighed and closed his sketchpad, tossing it aside. “Yes, I did it just for you, Nicolas. Don’t you have a job now?”

He rolled his eyes. “Yes, but I still consider giving you shit to be my top priority. You’re mopey and it’s annoying.”

Cas chuckled at that, “Did you prefer the fun, doped out me better?”

Nick frowned at him. That wasn’t a fair question, and his asshole brother knew that. “Of course not. Just wish you’d quit taking it out on me that you and that cop didn’t fuck, it’s not my fault.” Nick pushed off the table and dug into his pocket, pulling out a small wad of cash and tossing it on top of Cas’ closed sketch pad. “Buy yourself some new supplies, I’m gonna go to work.”

“Okay. Nick?” Cas stood up and started gathering his things, avoiding eye contact. “Have you heard from him?”

He had, a couple of times, but he wasn’t sure if Cas wanted to know that. “Not in awhile. Have you?”

“Nope.” Cas walked out of the room quickly and closed his room door. 

He laid on his bed awhile, wondering if he should have been different with Dean. He was very clear he didn’t want to be _just_ friends and Dean was very clear he didn’t want a fuck buddy. Should Cas have tried the damn relationship thing? _What does that even mean?!_

Instead of “moping” around, Cas got up and decided to go get some more art supplies - since Nick is paying. He still loved walking and talking to random old people, that never changed. Cas has always liked old people. People his age just didn’t get his company. It was probably his favorite thing about Dean. There was no rush, no push to be fun or exciting. 

Too many people were surprised at how boring Cas actually was when he’s not bantering or partying. He would rather just draw with some music for hours or sit with the old man around the corner and just stare at his garden. Some of his best drawings happened in that garden and Tuesday, never pressured him to talk. Cas never even asked his real name, he called him that, because every Tuesday, he would struggle to walk to the market for some fresh fruit and now that Cas was sober and awake in the daylight, he started going for him each week. 

Today wasn’t Tuesday but he still always smiled at the man’s garden, even if he wasn’t outside. He ran up and watered it for him, then went on his way, hoping he wouldn’t run into anyone from his past. 

Once he finished grabbing some new pencils and paints, he made his way back outside and nearly knocked Meg over as he checked his cellphone. 

“Shit, watch it assh- Clarence! Where have you been? Shacking up with the enemy I hear?”

“Enemy? You’re a legal tattoo artist, with a pill problem. You’re not even on his radar.” Cas started to put his earbuds back in. 

“Really? So, now you’re all high and mighty huh?” She ripped it out of his ear, “Just because you fell in love and got clean, doesn’t make you better than anyone from your past.”

Cas frowned, “I don’t think I’m better than anyone, Meg. I have to go.” He pulled away, but she followed.

“You didn’t deny the love part…” She wiggled her eyebrows annoyingly.

Cas scoffed, “That either.”

“Prove it. Or are you still _gay?”_

That made Cas laugh out loud, “You know, I tried to cancel my membership but as it turns out, it was a lifetime commitment.” 

“Whatever, call me when you’re ready to be fun again.” Meg stopped following him and turned away.

“Sure thing.” He shook his head and walked home, slightly annoyed that he suddenly got the urge to draw, _another_ fucking green eye.

**********

Nick was grateful for his job, but that didn’t mean he was a fan of it. And not unlike his brother, when he didn’t like something, his mind started to wander. Yeah, he was glad that Cas was doing better - but he had a feeling Cas just swapped one addiction for another, and this one was a person. He knew Dean felt something for his brother, so why the hell hadn’t he texted him? He decided to text him and find out, because if he had to deal with Cas being lovesick and grumpy all the time, he at least wanted to know it was merited. 

**Nick: Hey, remember us? More specifically, you remember my brother? Cuz it sure seems like you forgot.**

Dean was walking along an alleyway filled with graffiti - as he had a million times. But this time, he can suddenly spot Cas’ art shining above the others, like someone was holding a bright spotlight on it. It’s obviously better than anyone else's but Dean can also see his familiar CN signature, complete with a halo. He smiled, and reached out to run a finger along it in spite of himself. He missed Cas so much it hurt and every time his phone chimed, he hoped it would be him. Even seeing Nick’s name made him feel closer to Cas than he had in weeks.

**Dean: Course I remember him. I texted him a couple weeks ago and he was pretty short with me. Didn’t think he wanted to hear from me.**

 **Nick: Funny, he thinks the same thing about you.**

Nick stared at the text and wondered if he should say anything else. Meddling wasn’t his thing, especially when it came to Cas, but maybe a gentle little nudge wouldn’t hurt.

**Nick: Maybe you should try again?**

Dean stared down at the phone a moment, _did Cas want to hear from him?_

**Dean: Has he said anything about me?**

**Dean: Shit. Ignore that, that was stupid.**

Nick looked around to make sure none of his nosey ass coworkers were watching him and took a deep breath, his fingers dancing a few centimeters over his keyboard as he considered his response. 

**Nick: Maybe he has, maybe he hasn’t. Seems the kinda thing you should talk to him about don’t ya think**

Dean sighed and rubbed his neck. 

**Dean: You’re right. I’ll reach out.**

**Nick: Of course I am, I’m the smart brother. And seriously... good luck. You’re not half bad, for a cop.**

Nick smiled to himself as he pocketed his phone and got back to work. Maybe those idiots would work it out on their own after all.

Dean had no fucking clue what to say or how to reach out to Cas. Should he text, call or just show up? He had spoken to Sam about Cas a while ago and decided to call him first. “Hey Sammy. How’s it going?”

“Hey, Dean. Just finishing up, what about you? Hear anything from Cas yet?” Sam had known his brother long enough to recognize when he wanted to shoot the breeze and when he wanted something else, and from his tone alone, he knew it was something else.

“I uh- no. I was going to call... or text. Would it be better if I just went over? Or is that creepy?” _Stupid!_ Dean felt like an idiot in high school.

Sam smiled to himself. “Honestly, you might want to just go over there. No offense, Dean, but you really suck at using your words sometimes.”

Dean mocked him and scratched his eyebrow, “Okay so I go over. Then what?”

“Aren’t you supposed to be the smooth one here?” Sam chuckled and brushed his hair from his face. “Just tell him how you feel. Seriously, it’s that simple. The concept is, at least. You’re obviously crazy about him, it’s been... what, a month since he left your house? More? And every single time we’ve talked, you’ve brought him up.”

“No I haven’t I...” He thought about that and realized that he actually did bring up Cas every single time. “Shit.”

Sam grinned. “See? So, instead of talking to me about him, just go talk to him. Sweep him off his feet, you’re Dean fucking Winchester. Take him his favorite snack, or... or his favorite drink. Just something small. Tell him you were thinking about him and you miss him, and you’re wondering if he’s got plans on... whatever day you’re free. I don’t know, Dean. I don’t exactly have a lot of experience with this.”

“Sure you do, _Romeo._ You got that one chick to go on a date that _one_ time.” Dean chuckled. “Alright, I’ll go over.”

It was Sam’s turn to mock Dean. “Very funny. There will be plenty of time for girls... eventually. I’m not in a hurry. You, however... you’re getting older by the day. If you don’t man up and tell Cas how you feel, you’ll have to do it leaning on a walker.”

Dean scoffed, “Did you get funnier? Must have missed that memo. Whatever, I’ll go and make a fool outta myself and hope that maybe he might feel the same.” Dean climbed in his car and took a deep breath. “Wish me luck?”

“You don’t need luck, Dean. He feels the same about you, you know he does. Just go make it happen.” Sam smiled softly and held on the line a moment longer before hanging up, shaking his head.

Dean tossed the phone on the seat and started the car. He decided he would drive over once he clocked off and got changed, maybe even bring some cherry pie. Dean rolled his eyes at how ridiculous he felt but whatever, Cas seemed to like when Dean embarrassed himself, anyway.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Next chapter is the last 😭
> 
> I don’t know if i’ll ever be ready to say goodbye to these boys but I truly believe I did them justice in the end. It will be the longest chapter, probably in the whole fic but it is a beautiful conclusion. It will be posted Monday or sooner, depending on when it is edited. 🥰


	16. Chapter 16

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Their happily, smutty ever after 🥰

Dean stood outside Cas’ door with a bag and a nervous expression. He muttered to himself that he’d seen Cas at his worst and they’d made it through, this couldn’t be _that_ bad. Besides, Cas had hit on him... how many times? They’d even had a plan to fuck, it just got derailed cause of Nick. _C’mon, just knock on the damn door._

One, two, three full minutes passed before he finally talked himself into it. _Knock knock._

Cas walked over and opened it without peaking first. “Hello, Dean.” He grinned, “What’s in the bag?” What he really wanted to ask was, _what the hell took him so long,_ but he felt he should go easy on Dean.

“Pie, some sno caps... some drinks. Thought uh... maybe we could finish that Harry Potter marathon?” He smiled sheepishly, his heart doing stupid, idiotic things at how good Cas looked. Not just attractive, but _good._ Healthy. Not strung out. “God, it’s good to see you.”

Cas licked his lips and visibly checked Dean out, “Good to see you, too. Come in.” He moved aside and let Dean in the house. “What’s a sno cap?” Cas reached for the bag but missed and grabbed Dean’s hand.

“It’s...” Dean’s eyes dropped to their hands and he smiled at them, relaxing. What was he so worried for? “They’re delicious, trust me. I was gonna call, or text... but I uhh...” _Fuck. Don’t freeze now._ “I missed you. And my brother informed me I suck at communicating, so... hi.”

“Hi.” Cas’ face was already hurting from the stupid, nonstop grinning. “Yeah, I... miss you too.” _Like more than I could ever explain in words._ “My brother informed me the same, we don’t have the same brother right?” Cas chuckled at himself, “That was a shit joke.”

Dean ignored the crappy, kinda gross joke and returned Cas’ infectious smile. “Speaking of Nick, is he here?” _Please say no. Please, for the love of all things holy, say no._

“Nope. The nerd is at work.” Cas took the bag and set them on the counter, walking back to stand directly in front of Dean. “Why?” His eyes darted to Dean’s lips and back to his eyes.

 _Fuck it._ “Cause I definitely should’ve done this before you left my house, and I don’t really want an audience.” Dean leaned in slowly, tilting his head down to compensate for the slight height difference. Suddenly nervous, he stopped right before his lips met Cas’ and grinned. “Cause... y’know. _We’re_ the audience.” He pulled back, smirking to cover the fact that he absolutely, definitely just chickened out and then said the dumbest fucking thing he could have possibly said. “Where’s your remote?”

Cas’ heart jumped in his damn throat, all for Dean to just turn away. It took everything not to grab Dean and pull him in. _He wants this... right?_

Cas watched him walk over and sit on the couch, noticing he sat more towards the middle. _Fuck yeah, he wants this._ “Fuck it.” He said loud enough for Dean to hear as he walked over and straddled Dean’s lap. “I don’t want to be the audience.” Cas leaned in and kissed him.

Dean’s entire body went taut and then relaxed under Cas as he kissed him back, happy that he wasn’t the one that had to make the first move. With everything that happened, he needed to be sure Cas really wanted it, and from the way he was moaning into Dean’s mouth, he did. Dean slid his hands up Cas’ back and held him close, content to just keep tasting him.

They let their mouths experiment while grinding into each other slowly. The kiss started slow and hesitant before becoming more heated by the second. Cas moaned into Dean's mouth again, and for the first time in his life, he considered bottoming. When Dean kissed down his neck Cas bared his neck, “I’ll bottom. I don’t care, but for the love of god, please tell me we’re fucking.”

Dean chuckled and gently bit his throat, then dragged his nails down Cas’ back. “Yeah, but I was kinda hoping it’d be the other way around. I’m game either way though, you’re right... at this point, I just want you. I don’t care how.” He pulled Cas into another kiss, all nervousness completely gone. They were together, hard, and willing... he was _finally_ gonna get to have Cas.

Cas grinned and touched his face. “You’ve bottomed before, right?” _Gods, please say yes._

“Yep, sure have.” Dean’s face flushed from Cas’ touch _and_ the admission, but he felt more comfortable around Cas than he did anyone else. He slid his hands over Cas’ thighs. “You’ve topped before, right? Gotta be good to handle an ass like this.”

Cas chuckled. “I’m a virgin.” He deadpanned. “Although, I’ve only ever topped so technically, my ass _is_ a virgin.” He leaned down and started sucking on Dean’s neck.

All of that had Dean hard as a rock and he thrust up against Cas. “Yeah? Maybe I changed my mind then, I wouldn’t say no to being your first.” He thought maybe they should stick with what they knew for the first time, but he’d take Cas however he could get him.

“No, no... I’ve been drooling over that ass for months, Dean. I want to be inside of you so bad, it hurts.” _Literally hurts, my throbbing cock._ Cas kissed up his neck to his mouth. “You can fuck me, next time.” Then he lapped inside of Dean’s mouth for a messy kiss, as he unbuckled Dean’s jeans.

He nodded quickly, both relieved and suddenly really impatient. He lifted his hips as Cas slid back to pull Dean’s pants down, then kicked them the rest of the way off. “Then hurry the hell up, I think we’ve waited long enough.”

“Hey for the record, I’ve been trying.” Cas dropped down to his knees and instantly swallowed Dean down with a groan. He reached to pull his sweats down as he bobbed hungrily. _Fuck, the lube._ Cas popped off, “Sorry, be right back.” He ran to his bedroom to find some lube.

 _Oh, hell no._ Dean gripped his cock and groaned from the sudden loss of Cas’ mouth, then stood up and followed him to the bedroom, pulling his shirt off along the way. He closed the door and glanced around for a moment to get his bearings. “That was rude, y’know that, right? How many times have you said _‘fuck the cops’?_ Well, now is your chance to and you just walked away.”

Cas stood up with the bottle of lube, “That was a horrible joke. You don’t want this? Fine.” He tossed it on the bed with a smirk. “Didn’t know you’d like it like _that,_ Dean.” Cas closed the distance and flinched when their cocks brushed against each other. “You have a beautiful... _everything_ you know that?”

He nodded quickly and pulled Cas back in, kissing him as he pushed them toward the bed. “So do you, and I’m not sayin’ no anymore.” Dean hoped the unspoken, _so touch me, feel me, kiss me, lick and bite and fuck me_ was clear, but just in case it wasn’t... “Fuck me, Cas.”

Cas shuddered, _Almost came just now, no big deal._ “Fuck, I’m going to need you to shut that beautiful mouth, so I make it inside of you.” Cas laid Dean back and went down to suck him and open him up.

If Cas’ dick was half as good as his fingers and his mouth, Dean was gonna be a goner. It took him all of eight seconds to adjust to those beautiful painter’s fingers and rock down on them, fisting a hand into that infuriatingly sexy mop of hair and working his hips to take more of _all_ of him. “What, turns you on when I tell you I want you to fuck me? Guess I shouldn’t tell you I’ve had wet fucking dreams about you coming inside of me then, huh?” His words were breathy and needier than they should have been, but he didn’t care. Dean _needed_ Cas.

Cas whimpered and shoved in his finger faster than he meant to. He hummed a halfhearted apology, because it was Dean’s fault anyway. He wanted Cas to come apart at the seams, so that was exactly what he was getting. Cas slid in a second finger and sucked Dean further inside his throat.

 _“Aah, fuck...”_ Dean’s legs bent and his toes curled, and he was suddenly very afraid _he_ was gonna be the one that didn’t make it to the main act. He hadn’t been with anyone but his own hand in forever, and Cas’ mouth was so hot and wet he knew he’d be content blowing his load right there - but he wanted _more._ “Cas, sweetheart, you gotta get your - _unnng_ mouth off me, I — fuck.”

Cas huffed a laugh and slid off, “What’s wrong, Dean?” His voice was wrecked and his cheeks were flushed. “Eager for me, baby?” Cas moved his fingers faster.

All Dean could do was moan. Every inch of his body was awake and focused entirely on Cas, and he felt like if he didn’t get more of him soon, he’d fucking explode. He lifted his hips a little and rolled them in a circle, bringing his hands over top of his head to grip the pillow. “Yeah. Yep. Yes, fucking want you.”

Cas slid in a third finger and started sucking a hickey on Dean’s thigh. “Want you so bad, Dean.” He scissored his fingers to stretch him open. “Fuck, I can’t-” Cas slid out and started lubing up his cock. “Relax and let me in, handsome.” He sucked and nipped his way up Dean’s torso and lined up. “Ready for me?”

Looking at Cas’ cock, he wasn’t entirely sure he was, but he was too far gone to care. His body would get on board quickly enough anyway and hell, he liked a little bit of pain mixed with his pleasure. “If you don’t get inside of me in the next 5 seconds, I’m flipping us over and taking it myself. That answer your question?”

Cas’ eyes flashed at the challenge but he thrusted inside. He had a passing thought about a condom, but pushed that out of his mind, as he slid the head past Dean’s tight muscles. “You’re so tight, fuck...” Cas leaned down and kissed him, trying to help him relax.

He greedily kissed him back, whining quietly at the sudden and complete stretch. Dean’s legs wrapped around Cas’ ass and pulled him deeper as he squeezed his eyes shut, eager to get past the brief pain and to the part that felt so fucking good he’d be seeing stars. “Haven’t been with anyone in awhile.”

“I can tell.” Cas slid inside more. “This ass is heaven, Dean. I hope you weren’t planning on a marathon.” He moved in and out slowly as he worked him open.

Dean dragged his nails down Cas’ back and dug them into his ass, pulling him in a little faster. “Nah, fuck that. Wreck me, Cas. I can take it.” _Need it, too._

“Jesus, Dean.” Cas pulled out and slammed back in, bottoming out. “Fuck!” He started fucking into Dean, feeling like he was in a damn dream. “Bite me, so I know I’m awake.”

He moved his head forward immediately, biting kinda hard on Cas’ shoulder as he struggled to take all of Cas. Dean could feel the way Cas’ cock responded to the pain, so he did it again, then kissed his way up Cas’ neck and back to his mouth. “You’re awake, Cas. I’m real, and I’m yours.” He grunted and closed his eyes at how full he was and the warm spot pooling on his stomach from his hard cock pressed between their bodies.

“Fuck... all mine?” Cas kissed back and leaned down to suck on his neck. “I missed you.” He whispered breathlessly, in Dean’s ear.

Dean’s breath hitched as Cas’ pace slowed. This was perfect, so perfect, and he didn’t have a damn clue why or how he fought it for so long. “Missed you, too.”

“Don’t pull away, stay with me.” _Fuck that was needy,_ but Cas was too far gone to care.

Something about having someone balls deep inside of him made him a little more open, in more than one sense. The thought of pulling away caused his chest to ache; and all at once, he put a name to it. “I can’t. I love you, Castiel. All of you. I’m not goin’ anywhere.” Dean’s entire body flushed and he panicked, cursing himself for picking now of all times to say something like that. “Now, shut up and _wreck_ me, goddamnit.” _Smooth._

Cas positioned so the head of his cock was flush against Dean’s prostate, and he stopped moving completely, both hands on Dean’s hips as he stared into his eyes, “You what?”

The urge to move was fucking insane, but Cas kept him still with those eyes. Part of him wanted to take it back, because shit like this never works out for him and he didn’t want to scare Cas away - but there would be no way in hell he’d pull off that lie. “You heard me, Cas.” His body shook slightly, the faint pulse of pleasure just from Cas’ position made it damn near impossible for him to stay still, but this was one moment he didn’t want to ruin. “I said, I love you and I’m not fuckin’ goin’ anywhere until you make me.”

For the first time, Cas realized that was what this was. _Love._ He had never had an actual relationship before, let alone been in love. It had always been about sex, but with Dean, they had so much more. “Good. I-” Cas licked his lips, “I love you too, Dean.”

“Yeah, awesome. Seriously, I’m thrilled to hear it - but babe, if you don’t move, I’m gonna die. Please. Move. Now.” Dean looked at Cas with desperation on his face, partially because he wanted to believe Cas so bad it hurt and partially because he was literally going insane from the light touch to his magic little button.

Cas grinned, “You got it, _babe.”_ Cas pushed against it again and then started fucking into him, this time reaching between them to grip Dean’s leaking cock.

Dean felt a little like he’d jumped off a cliff, hit a trampoline and then got rocketed back up into the sky. The relief he felt from the movement was immediately negated by his rapidly mounting orgasm. He’d been close enough as it was, but now that he _knew..._ He rolled his hips and met each one of Cas’ thrusts, clenching around him and kissing him hard as he got closer and closer. Cas barreled into him one too many times and Dean tipped over, whimpering against Cas’ mouth as he spilled over his own stomach.

Cas shuddered as Dean came, groaning loudly, as he continued to fuck him without slowing. “Dean... close... gonna fucking fill yo-” Cas came, slamming as deep as he could, over and over as he emptied inside of Dean.

His spent cock twitched with every thrust, and he'd have come again at the sentence Cas nearly got out if he wasn't so fucked out from the first one. It felt incredible, and he knew he'd never want anyone else. Dean wrapped his arms tight around Cas to hold him there, not wanting the moment to end. "Jesus."

Cas buried his face into Dean’s neck, staying balls deep inside of him. “I’m staying inside here, forever.”

Dean chuckled quietly as his breathing started to even out. "Sorry, Cas. You said I get to fuck _you_ next time, you can't stay inside of me forever. Can come back whenever you want, though. If that... helps."

Cas nodded, still seeing stars. “I know you said you’re not going anywhere but maybe _we_ should just... go back to your house?” He was happy his face was still hidden, because he was definitely blushing. Cas was ready to start this next chapter with Dean, whatever that meant. 

"Yeah. You owe me the last three Harry Potter movies, anyway." Dean hesitated for a moment and got quieter. "I missed havin' you around. Maybe you should bring a bag... stay a couple days?"

“Yeah... I can stay...” _Forever._ But he left the last part unspoken. As much as he wanted Dean, wanted _this,_ he didn’t want to scare him away too fast. “Maybe that _next time_ can be tonight after a movie... and pie.”

Dean nodded and smiled like an idiot. "I vote we play a little game. You kiss me every time someone mentions Voldemort in any capacity, or Hermione does something smart."

“Deal. And you suck my dick when the snake nosed guy dies, because we all know the good guy wins.” Cas slowly pulled out and kissed Dean’s chest. “I’ll pack a bag.” He went to grab all their clothes from the living room.

"If you expect me to wait three full movies before I suck you off, you're crazier than your hair." Dean sat up slowly, letting out a soft _ahh_ from the budding soreness in his ass. "Be lucky if we make it in the door, honestly."

“Spoiler alert.” Cas chuckled and nodded at him, “How’s your ass, tough guy?” He tossed Dean a hand towel, “I was going to jack off with that thinking of you, but this was much better.”

Dean's stomach flipped and he grinned. "Eh, you got a little soft and gooey on me there for a minute, I think you could do better." He cleaned himself up quickly and slid to his feet, catching Cas in another kiss just as he was pulling on his shirt. "I've jacked off to the thought of you jacking off, so uh... _beat_ that." He laughed at his own pun and grabbed his own clothes.

Cas rolled his eyes and threw together a bag with a smile. He put much more clothes than just a couple days, but Dean didn’t have to know that. He threw some sketch pads and pencils in his backpack and shrugged it on. “We can’t forget the pie. I want to eat it off that ass, later.” 

Dean chuckled and finished getting dressed, “Ima hold you to that.” He winked and walked out to grab the bag he brought and pulled out Baby’s keys. They had just fucked and yet Dean was still nervous to do this, he gulped and then reached out, interlocking his fingers with Cas’ and his grin matched exactly what Dean was feeling inside. “Let’s go home, Cas.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you to everyone who stuck around to the end. This was a harder fic for me to write. Addiction is something I grew up with in my family, so finding that line between talking about it and glamorizing it was hard. It was therapeutic to write about regardless, even though most situations were changed. I hope I did them justice. ❤️


End file.
